This winter...

My greatest dream is to sport something akin to the below whenever humanly possible. And I'm not being ironic.

 I'm being serious

 I really like these

And I want to wear one

Or all...



A conundrum

I DVR'ed the Walking Dead via AMC on Sunday night. Why did I do that? Well, let me tell you about me and scary things. I dont like scary things. A definition of scary things is required here, however, as I feel there are categories of scary things that fall into "scary but tolerable" like dreams about getting eaten by a shark or walking through a low ceilinged room with dangling spiders overhead (insert TERRIFYING here) that you forget as soon as you wake up and then there's "scary that sticks with me for weeks and makes me jumpy at the slightest apartment creak or slammed car door and leave the light on when I go to bed" sort of scary. These types of scary things fall easily into the realm of Horror movies. Horror movies about ghosts and spirits and the DEVIL (hate those ones most) and manic-flesh-slashing-deranged-hooked-chainsaw-weilding serial killers. Yep. Can't handle it. Won't handle it. Pass 100 times and throw in some Mary Poppins. There's also the term suspenseful. I can handle suspense such as Inception (I just got a thrill chill!), or even Thriller/Suspensefuls like JAWS or Predator or even some "murderer" shows like that one with Shea LeBeof where his neighbor is a serial killer. What is that? Anyway... those I can handle. I hope you can see a pattern, albeit a line of sorts, of where I can cross into the realm of handleable "thrills" and where I most certainly not venture (i.e. Paranormal Activity, The Ring, The Grudge, Exorcist, Poltergist... sick... etc).

So back to the Walking Dead. There are two things that don't ever really scare me - Aliens (pro-X-files!) and sometimes Zombies. I think the Aliens don't bother me because they seem truly fantastical and even cartoonish in most cases and Zombies because they're generally dumb. As in not smart. As in walking grotesque bodies that you only have to avoid or ping in the head or flame throw to be rid of them. Also - I sorta believe in Aliens to an extent but not in a "take over the planet minions!" way and I don't believe in Zombies. I believe in ghosts and the devil. Shudder. Do I ever.

The Zombies in Walking Dead, based on the preview, seemed gruesome (i.e. COOL!) but dumb. Also, the show seemed unique, suspenseful, and maybe something worth actually watching on TV which one is hard put to find these days, right? However, I also questioned if it was too scary for me to be able to turn it off and sleep soundly an hour later. Pros and Cons were thought through... and in the end... I set the DVR just to have it on hand if I should decide I could handle it. Sunday night it recorded, and Monday night, after finishing some homework and browsing some Monday night TV (booooorrrring) I consulted the DVR. And there awaited the Walking Dead. Hm. In my apartment alone - con. Not generally scared of Zombies - pro. Blessed/cursed with a vivid imagination - con. Heard it's more suspenseful than scary - pro. ... ... ...

I dove in. Promising myself if I felt too scared I'd turn it off and never look back. I mean, I saw 5 seconds of a Paranormal Activity 2 preview once when I was running on a treadmill and my nights were ruined for a week! This is the type of wuss puss you're dealing with.

Back to the diving in. (I have not put the scariest pictures on here because I know that some of you would have nightmares like me... except the last one... the last one is pretty freaky!)

I saw some of this:

And that:

and more of this:

Behind YOU!!! Scared ya ;)

Truly - I covered my eyes once when dude had to shoot the little girl Zombie in the head because there IS one thing I can't stand (other than spiders and the devil) and that's possessed kids. I think the idea of having a being so innocent as a child be so incandescently evil freaks the freakys out of me. Sometimes I can't stomach a lot of bloody violence either - BUT - because it was Zombie heads being blown to smithereens... it was different. Think of Orcs in Lord of the Rings losing their heads or being pounced on with swords and spears. Meh... not too big of a deal. The Zombies had become de-humanized and that made the literal watching of head explosions a little more tolerable. These things... I stomached. And I made it through Episode 1.

Afterwards, I did a little self-assessment. How do I feel? Well, I feel okay. Am I scared? Hmmmm... no I don't feel scared. How's the blood pressure? Normal, normal. How do we feel about going to bed in 30 minutes? Feel pretty good.

Truth: there was some tossing and turning that night - but I don't think (because I can't give you a 100% assurdity) it was because of the Zombies. They're dumb Zombies. Smart Zombies? Now, that may be another story. And on Tuesday night, when coming back from my night class around 10pm, I turned the corner to my parking structure and swear on all that is flame-throwing and head blasting that the dude I saw about 40 yards in front of me walking towards the building had a distinctive Zombie "gait". Ya know what I mean? One shoulder higher than the other and a lead weight strapped to his foot; dragging it in tow. Sent a thrill up my SPINE! Pheeeew. Luckily he was just out for a little nigth smoke. Sure glad he wasn't a Zombie.

So here I am, feeling rather proud I made it through the first episode of 6, but also still a little weary. Shore I'd made it okay through the first, alone, in my apt... but what of the next? Surely it will get more gruesome, more frightening (more frightening than a decomposed crawling Zombie torso? Yish! You see the dilemma), and more head explodey... We're BOUND to witness someone bitten and slowly turned into a raving (though dumb) hungry for human flesh Zombie. Can I stay on board? Can I push through? I don't know! And I'm still unsure if I should find out...

A conundrum of the most epic proportions I'd say. I think gathering a group of the same sort of weary and/or Zombie show watching folks may help soften the proverbial "scary things" blow. Or maybe we'll all just end up spending the night on my floor together - baseball bats clutched to our breasts. 

Creativity Suck

I'd like to tell you how "busyness" sucks the creativity out of me. I don't know if I have a lot of creativity to suck - but when it's sucked - it's sure sucked dry. Suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked (high five to the person who knows that reference!).

So, as you can see, my blog posts have been tolerable at best. As of late, they've consisted of some random pictures and mockery here, an attempt at (what turned out to be) a lame contest (Dear Heidikins, I owe you garbage bags. Contest fail) there, and so on and so forth. And guess what? This one isn't going to do much better. I have 20 minutes before class starts, squeezed in between a very busy work day (don't we all!), a MPPASA meeting (it sounds important cause it is), and realizing I haven't eaten anything since the half turkey sandwich, chips, and Diet Coke I trackled (it's meant to say tackled but I like trackled... sounds intense!) in my car on the way out to Sunset Ridge Middle School for Utah Scholars presentations. Can I explain to you were Sunset Ridge Middle School is? Edge of the world. It's true. One more step and over you'd go. Whoosh!

So there's my excuse for blogging failure/cop outs: busy work, busy school, busyness. Giant creativity suck (side note: boy carrying helmet and sporting a sleek leather jacket and goatee just gave me a rather winning smile as he walked by my eagerly typing form... day improved! Helllooooo sir ;)), and it also seems my ADD hasn't decreased much either (Squirrel! (double high five for that reference)). I haven't been all ho hum and boringness though. No! I've done stuff! I attended some Halloween par-tays (one... cough) last weekend which were a jolly good times, watched AMC's Walking Dead (note to self: sleeplessness adds to creativity suck) and done some life planning here and there. The life planning takes up valuable brain power, right? Proof! Here's what I've planned:

1. Cruise in December (and I will continue to bring it up until the day I cruise and then the mockery will turn to photos of sandy beaches, blue waves, me in this sunhat, and Cabana boys).
2. Oh snap! I just realize I was supposed to sign up for Spring semester YESTERDAY! (move to #1 of plans)
3. Walk in Spring Convocation
4. Legitimately Graduate Summer 2011
5. Plan "Congratulations You're a Master!" trip to Italy in September
6. Research MPA jobs in London... then really any job that will take me in London
7. Er... keep my bathroom clean

...

And that's it really. I mean those are the "big" plans. Generally my thoughts are week to week and sometimes, day to day. Phew. Example: "work out tomorrow or live alone forever with those extra 10lbs you seem determined to cling to." It all adds to the bigger picture in one way or another. Alright, maybe that was a pathetic bit of an example. Much like this post is a pathetic excuse for a post.


....


Where'd that leather jacket boy go?

...

(checking watch)

...

Guess I'll sign up for Spring semester.

Look at this post... now out the window (or just somewhere else... mainly)...now back at this post...

Sadly, you will be experiencing something akin to this at Christmas:

Perhaps this:

Or maybe even this:

While I will be experiencing this:

And some of this (is that Cabo you ask? Why, yes. Yes, it is):



And probably this:

And A LOT of this:

Bon Voyage! (Suckers!)



Life. Complete.

It's official. I now have absolutely no reason to travel beyond a 5 block radius for anything. School, work, shopping, theater, eating of delicious things, and now... and NOW!!!

Target!!!!
(pronounced Tar-jay)

Life is good. So very good. No more driving to Centerville or Fort Union for me. No no! Instead, I will leisurely drive to the bran spanking new DOWNTOWN located Target for all my Targeting needs. What joy. 

And here is my mom being harassed by a zombie. I felt this was a necessary picture to show the world. I mean, when else do you exclaim, "And the red eye in that picture is AWESOME!" Exactly. 

My mom and I went to Thriller last weekend - one of my all time favorite Halloweening things to do. I've gone every year for 3 years now and plan on going over and over again in the future. It just t'ain't Halloween without some dancing Zombies. Right? Well, dancing harassing zombies. That makes it a little more special.

Here's to another 2 weeks of Halloweening Shenanigans! You best believe there's more to come... (Ooooooo....)

Pretty Princess Par-tay and accompanying Epiphany.

For those of you who are wondering, it WAS my Birthday yesterday. A rather auspicious occasion I would say. I did say! Just now. I, SAY! (said Britishly....). Consuming ADD medication... and continue.

27 years. That's how long I've walked the earth. Much like dinosaurs used to walk the earth for a time. What do dinosaurs have to do with anything? Well, they don't I guess.  I just find the phrase "walked the earth" generally applies to things of epic proportions like dinosaurs and... woolly mammoths. "When dinosaurs walked the earth... insert incredible fact about gigantic flesh eating plant life and non-global warming effected weather patterns (then insert agenda)..." You follow me? No? Well, onward then.

ALSO! Halloween is my favorite holiday. It happens to land during my favorite month: October. Also housed in October you will find such pleasant things as my Birthday, Columbus day, my Birthday, UEA weekend, "huntin" season for you "huntin'ers", Canada's Thanksgiving, the go-ahead to sport burnt red tops and dust off the sweater tights, General Conference, mucho football games, and my Birthday. So I says to myself I says SELF! If you claim that October is your favorite month and subsequently, Halloween is your favorite holiday, then why have we (my self and my brain talking to myself = we... precious) not thought to combine the two? Why indeed!!! Picture this: themed party. Eh? Eh?!?!?!

This year for my Birthday and in celebration of October and All Hallows Eve, I had a Pretty Pretty Princess Party. It's not weird because it's October (dress ups expected), and it's awesome because my friends and I are ALSO awesome. Logically, it shouldn't be any other way. Too think I've been irrationally celebrating my birthday all these years. Alas!

It went something like this:

A gathering of Princessy Proportions for a fine and dandy meal at Biaggi's. Here here!

 An excellent display of snobbery, I'd say.

 Presents! Me likey presents. Pretty Princess Presents!

 Sounds like a puppy. Is it a puppy? It sounds like a puppy.

 As all princesses would, we had the Royal Dance of the Gateway Water Fountain. What Form! What Grace!

 Now thems be some sassy ladies.

And this is my fuzz, YooHoo. I brought fuzz along to ironically ride around in my pretty purple Prada bag to mock wannabe princesses and their fuzzy rat-dogs. This represents my fuzzy rat-dog. A stuffed, crowned, creepy eyed bush squirrel that makes an enchanting "ringa dinga ding!" noise when you squeeze him. Ever tried to squeeze a rat-dog? Not. Recommended.

A tradition is clearly emerging, wouldn't you agree? Pretty Princesses this year, next year, Superheros! Or a Witch convention (save the wise-cracks), or Ironic T-shirt Party! The sky's the limit.

On a serious note - I did have a little reflection on my past 27 years. And I feel... good. I've done a handful of commendable things and most importantly, most relieving, I don't feel I've wasted too much of my life with things of no worth. Sure, there's been a boy here or there that definitely wasn't worth the time or a mountain that ended up not being worth climbing and merely taking the route around its base, but in retrospect, those things were always worth the lesson. Seeing the progression that comes from the rough patches is rather rewarding - and in every way encouraging. I'm right where I need to be, when I need to be, and doing what needs to be done. There's some comfort in that. There's a lot of comfort in that.

Cheers 27!

Oh, and Heidikins won the trash bags because the rest of you yacks didn't even TRY for it. Was it because of the bags or the pressure? Alright, different (not better) prize and less pressure. Contest #2 will be epic! Think: bush squirrels.

Announcing: Contests!!!!

First, who doesn't want a new pair of shoes? Particularly if those shoes are FREE?!?!? Alright maybe hobbits don't really care for new shoes - as they don't wear them. Their feet ARE their shoes. And if you had tough large furry feet, they'd serve as both foot and shoe for you too. So don't be hatin on the hobbites, precious.

I have a friend called heidikins who loves shoes... nay... is obsessed with shoes. Shoes shoes shoes, she says to me. And I say... ah yes, shoes. Because heidikins loves her shoeses (precious), she's put together a lovely little website (theshoeologist.com) and of course, a lovely little contest to win some smashing new shoes! And by smashing I mean autumn yellow snake skin heels a la Nine West. Boo-ya. And being the supportive friend I am... and always wanting something for nothing... I went ahead and did my friend duty and submitted my "comment" for shoe-winner consideration (what a great friend!) AND, am telling all you good people about it too (so three of you! Thanks Jaime and Mom!... Craig... I'm telling you but... I'd ask you don't submit to win because knowing my luck and knowing your tomfoolery, you'd actually win... and this is one irony I would NOT enjoy).

SO! Here's the link to THE SHOEOLOGIST (GIST! Gist gist... gist...)... and here's the shoes I'm...er someones going to win.

Oh, and contest details:

To celebrate the launch of my new, shoe-obsessed corner of the Internet I will be giving away a free pair of shoes.  Yes, you read that correct, FREE SHOES!  Specifically, this gorgeous pair of mustardy-yellow, snakeskin stilettos from Nine West.  I have been coveting these for several weeks now–the color  is divine, the shape is classic, and I can’t imagine a better color for fall.

There are a few ways you can enter to win, and I hope you do a little of everything to increase your chances of free footwear!

1. Leave a comment on this post, make sure you use a valid email address. Duplicate comments will be thrown out.


2. Tweet about this contest, make sure to include BOTH a link to this post and mention @theshoeologist so I can track your entry. (And while you’re tweeting, go ahead and follow me as well for more updates and info about contests and giveaways.)


3. Post about this contest on your own blog, make sure to send a direct link to heidi.theshoeologist [at] gmail [dot] com or @theshoeologist so I can get you entered.



Contest is open until October 15, 2010 at midnight Pacific Time. I will combine all entries from comments, tweets and blog posts and use random.org to generate a winner. The lucky winner will be announced on Monday, Oct. 18.

-----

Maybe I should do a contest. Ya know? I mean, contests seem to really get people involved... That's it. Just involved for the sake of being involved. "I participated in this contest so now I'm involved!" Who doesn't like being involved and furthermore, who doesn't like the chance to win some prize! Any prize! Even if it's a box of free garbage bags! The fact that it can be WON increases the value of anything, don't you think? It's a win win! First, you get something for free (no matter what it is) and second, you WON something! I can see why gambling can be so addictive - even at the penny slots, "Ruthy! Look! I won 50 pennys! 50!??! for 1 penny and I got 50!!"... unamused, "that's great Earl..." sipping her whisky and tonic, wondering how she ever thought that fat brain-dead schlub was worth her entire youth.

At any rate, the personal self-worth and self-esteem gained from beating a bunch of other people with minimum output is exhilarating! I'd like to be the catalyst for such irrational euphoria!

THUS!!!

PRESENTING ANDREA'S FIRST BLOG CONTEST WITH ACCOMPANYING PRIZE!!!



Have you ever experienced the annoyance that comes with taking out the trash only to come back and find you are completely out of replacement trashbags? So you think "Man, I don't want to go to the store for just trash bags at 9:00pm on a Tuesday... I'll go tomorrow..." and for the ensuing 3 days, you attempt to stretch a lingering plastic grocery bag over your kitchen trashcan or hell, just use the can anyway and plan on dumping its nastified remnants into a trash bag as soon as you go buy them... which will be today for sure! Nothing is more annoying. Well, perhaps running completely out of toilet paper right in your moment of greatest need. That might be slightly more annoying... or a lot more.

Well dear friends, I'd like to help you shave one less annoyance out of your life. Or at least, let you win a prize!! BEHOLD!!!

"How?!??!" you might ask, "Can I win such a practical and ingenious prize and BEAT everyone else who wants to win this prize with very minimum output?"

Let me tell you:

1. You must comment on this blog about why you deserve this box of garbage bags more than the next guy... and trust me.... that next guy's got his reasons.

2. You must have at one time or another, run out of garbage bags and been subsequently annoyed about it.

3. Post this gem of a contest on some e-forum you're "involved" in (FB, Twitter, Blog of your own, email to your mother... whatever).

4. Be willing to describe your euphoria at winning a prize (Andrea's Blog specifically) as a "guest post" here on my blog after you've received your winnings! What exposure!

If you feel you can meet the criteria (or at least #1) - this box of garbage bags could be YOURS!!! Don't hesitate! All submissions and requirements must be accomplished no later than... Tuesday, October 12th by midnight. Why October 12th? Well, you dolt! It's my BIRTHDAY! That's the only reason you need! And nothing says Happy Birthday like a contest deadline... for garbage bags... I... yes.

Good luck to all contestants! I thank you in advance for making this contest possible!