Chickflicks are a disservice to one and all...

 A couple weekends ago, I finally saw a chick flick that has been recommended to me since it came out. I'm not a big chick flick watcher for a lot of reasons - and yes some of them are psychologically connected to my own "chick flick" scenario that didn't turn out so "chick flick" after all. Alas. The movie I speak of is P.S I Love You. Dah! Was that a collective sigh? You liked it, didn't you, chicks? Well, a lot of chicks did. That movie (and previously novel - books to movies - another rant for another day) encompasses everything that makes chick flicks, chick flicks. Drama, love, relationships, cheesy girl-pal humor, drama, a hot dude (and I won't argue there - hello Gerard Butler!), and undying, pure, fantastical, "true" love. Two people really, really, in love. And what does that spiteful universe do? Well it kills one of them - the man. The love.

I didn't really like it. I didn't buy it. And above all, chick flicks kinda frustrate me on a lot of levels. They're just not... real.

You're thinking "Well no kidding! Of course they're not real. What are you, completely daft?" Well... sometimes. But as much as we (chick flick watchers... and/or... a lot of chicks) "know" these movies aren't "real"... we all kinda wish they were. That's why chick flicks, even if they're just plain terrible (see: When in Rome... oh so painful), can consistently hold their own in the box office. Shore, a chick flick's never going to win an Academy Award or Golden Globe, but they're also not going to go the way of M. Knight Shyamalan's career after Airbender (I've heard... and that's enough). We like them cause we wish they were real, we want them to be real, we want the true, unrequited, beautiful, even drama-filled happy ending that every chick flick produces over and over again. And there's nothing real about it - no matter how much we want it.

So. Established. We know chick flicks aren't real. Thus let me ask you this, WHY do we expect our lives and relationships to still mimic them? Why, when we fall in love with our best guy friend, do we still cling to the hope that he will eventually fall in love with us even after he rejects our continual manifestations of our feelings baked within chocolate chip cookies, or price tagged in "Oh... I just saw this t-shirt and thought of you"? Do you think because he talks to you "like no other girl" and he's "so glad he has you to go to" it means "and I will eventually love you?" Noooot usually.

Why do we think that mutual loathing of an attractive man and an attractive woman immediately becomes a whirlwind passionate relationship because they're both "forced" to travel long distances together because she's a criminal and he's a cop so naturally, THESE are the ingredients for truly bringing forth that deeply emotional response called unconditional love (see: whatever that stupid movie was with Jennifer Anison and Gerard Butler... trying to be the romantic comedy of Mr. and Mrs. Smith... not even close). I love the mutual loathing to love storyline. Happens everyday right? Mmmm, not really. Sometimes, I guess. "I hated him and then I married him" happens... maybe. But that's the exception... not the rule (see chick flick: He's Just Not that into You... actually one of the more useful ones I have seen! I enjoyed it mucho).

Chick flicks do us all a disservice. They make us subconsciously create unrealistic and ridiculous expectations of scenario's and circumstances that they tell us are ideal environments for looooove (see: planning a man you've fallen in love with after 2 days wedding to another chick who happens to be petty and awful). They make us cling to idealistic scenarios and hold each other (particularly dudes) to a female expectation of response and desire. Let's talk about the elephant in the room: Twilight. Do you know, as much as "we know that these things aren't real", I've heard MANY women chide that their husbands "aren't like Edward. Why aren't they like Edward?" Well, BECAUSE he's NOT REAL. That guy, that guy doesn't exist in any sphere and frankly, I kind of find him a wuss. He's a female manifestation of what females think they want in a man: he's unconditionally, unequivocally, blindingly in love and adores her more than (everyone together) he adores his own life." Puh-lease. I've heard many a man comment on this particular saga in exasperation, "Dudes wouldn't react like that. That's not what a dude would do..." It's creating an unrealistic expectation in less than probable circumstances of characters that don't actually exist. This, to me, does us all a great disservice.

So here's my thing about chick flicks. They make me sad. Yep. You're delving a little into some of my vulnerabilities here so bear with me... or turn away. They make me sad because it makes me feel hopeless and alone. Many women turn to chick flicks for comfort in their times of single sadness or right after a 'break-up' to build their hopes (i.e. false hopes) back up to expecting non-realistic scenarios (including him "finally realizing we're perfect for each other and so he will fly all the way to Italy to reunite with me and beg for my love back even though he broke up with me...") Oh my friends, it's not going to happen. This, to me, is a disservice. You can have hope... but not false hope. False hope gives you a greater precipice to plunge down once reality sets back in. And reality isn't so bad... there are some good things about it... because REAL love vs. vampire love is something that DOES exist and worth looking for... it just doesn't exist in the far-fetched and far-flung scenario's fed us through Hollywood chick flicks.

That said, there are 'chick flicks' I really love: Return to Me, Notting Hill, You've Got Mail, Sweet Home Alabama, Sleepless in Seattle, and so on. They really don't make great chick flicks anymore - with average looking people (Tom Hanks? No one would call him a heart throb but everyone LOVES his chick flicks...) having average interactions that could be a little more plausible than, well, your dead husband leaving you notes every month (or so?) for a year until you get over it. It's a lovely thought... but it creates a false expectation.

I don't watch chick flicks often for a few reasons - I think it's really hard to do a good chick flick, I think it's a fine line between complete cheesy cliches and plausible scenarios (500 Days of Summer - excellent), and it creates false hopes and expectations of real life relationships or scenarios that are truly a rarity if every happening. We would like them to happen. We'd like to dream that that proud British rich man actually has a heart of gold and has fallen in love with you with the mere exchange of some witty remarks and sarcasm (oh yes, I did it) and despite your eternal vow to loathe him, find yourself loving him too as he constantly redeems himself and builds a perfect facade of exactly everything you've wanted your whole life. It's a pretty picture... but then the credits roll... and you're back to your day to day living, but now with a little bug planted in your subconscious telling you "someday your prince will come..." And he will, just perhaps not on a white horse with tickets to that thing you like (now there's a great commercial).