On to the rant!
Some categories I find “funny business” about the Utah LDS Singles Dating Scene (hereafter ULDSSDS… cause phew!) are as follows:
1. Why girls date jerks and subsequently, why dudes date… er… what’s a good clean non-swear I can use to convey the female version of “jerks” – femme-jerks? Okay, shore. Femme-jerks. Or in other words, why do nice girls and nice guys date jerks and femme-jerks? This is a big conundrum to me… one I’ve been victim of just as much as the next fool.
I’ve taken it upon myself to try and figure out this rather strange dynamic and though it clearly has universal applicability, I find it’s prevalence in the ULDSSDS (...) happenings rather staggering. Perhaps I’m just friends with really nice people who are subsequently, really huge suckers, and thus see them getting smashed by the meanys more than the average person. Or maybe because all us Mormys (mormy?) are just plain nice people in general and so we’re an easy target for the mean folks. Eh? Clearly there is a myriad of reasoning why nice people date mean people… or attempt to date mean people… or for some reason tend to find the one person who treats them like a big pile of poo to give their affections to. I’ve done it. You’ve done it. Why do we do it? I’d like to focus on one of these reasons… my own little theory.
It’s the name of the game and ladies particularly, it’s time to cultivate a little (righteous) pride and know that if you think dudes only like mean girls and the Universe has created this conspiracy for your own personal annoyance and frustration just because you’re a nice, sweet, wonderful person and men are all idiots… well… try not being so readily completely and utterly available and maybe…. Just maybe… one guy will suddenly realize “Hey… I don’t need to date a bit…erp… girl who treats me like poo for a challenge, I can go for this very nice girl who still has the self-worth and confidence to know that she’s worth my attention without the well-intentioned freely given attention and affection I’ve not even remotely earned and thus now won’t value.” I’m sure that exact thought goes through his head… sure of it. But the point is – and this goes for ladies dating jerks as well – nice people can still be nice people without being desperate people. How much more will he (or she) value YOU if you are confident in yourself first, and also treat them not like the pile of poo they’re used to being treated like from the mean peoples, but like the great person that they are. Eh? Think about it.
And for the dudes – girls date jerks because they don’t want to date wusses. It’s true. Ladies? Right? Sometimes if a guy is too nice (i.e. too accommodating, too available, too… affectionate right off the bat) it comes off as being a wuss-puss; which translates into – “would he be able to protect me and stand up for me if he’s too wussy?”; which is derived from the ancient, “can he fight that saber toothed tiger for the Woolly Mammoth meat so essential to our brood’s existence?”) It’s that simple. We’re all products of our Neandrathal ancestors; we just buy our mammoth meat pre-packaged now. We still want a man who can spear the boar! Go ahead and cross stitch that on something "I dig men who spear boars."
And let it be known – that I do not function in extremes. You don’t have to be an a-hole or a total bag to the person you like (cause that doesn’t make sense either) – just don’t be desperate or wussy. That’s what I’m saying. Let him work for it (while being nice and open)… let her see you’re confident (as there’s a HUGE difference between confidence(good) and arrogance (bad))… and it will work out just fine. Just fine.
a. They’re taken too far. Shore, it makes sense to play it cool… but one can play SO cool that the frosty breeze coming from you turns the person you’re trying to impress by not trying to impress them – off. It’s happened. It will happen again. This has happened to me. I thought a guy was “diggin” it and just playing it cool… but he was SO non-attentive, non-responsive, and trying so hard to make sure I knew he didn’t notice me – I figured he was most definitely not interested. I was surprised he even remembered my name I was so easily forgettable! I found out later that he was interested (or rumored to be anyway... who knows?), but by then, for me, the ship had sailed. Ironic, isn’t it? Left to float in his icy waters of coolness. Congrats. You're the ultimate (alone and cold) cool.
b. It resembles the dating games of long ago Junior High games. What does this mean? Well, it’s the group hanging out. all. the. time. The strategic inviting and non-inviting and group texts and texts in general and just ridiculous fishing games…. Let ‘em go… then real ‘em in… then let ‘em go… then real ‘em in. Just… do or don’t. For heavens sake. I think this stems back to the confidence issue as well – the narcissistic jerks and femme-jerks; “I don’t’ want you. But no one else can have you either!” Which brings me too…
c. The Great Harem Games. Insecure men and women create what I call harems. They surround themselves with suckers (usually very nice cool people with also rather low self-esteem) who will hinge on their every word, action, reaction, and minimal efforts because they’ve geniusly integrated them into their Harem of Those Who Love Me and I will never love them – but because I’m insecure – I like people that even I don’t want to want ME always (thunder clap! Sinster hand-wringing, Mwahaahahah!). Villains! That's what these types are. It’s a very self-centered attitude to wrangle individuals emotions just so YOU feel better about your own awesome coolness (or try and convince yourself of awesome coolness). The secret to detecting the harem recruiters and seperating them from those who are genuinely interested is this: if they’re “just friends” with A LOT of opposite gender people who they seem to loosely flirt with (tug on the line) but never really make any moves… with any of them… ever… and thus never actually date... anyone... ever...no even once... well… you may have yourself a Harem Recruiter. Watch out for these as they are very sly and apt to sucker almost anyone with their silver-tongued devilry! Run away!! Leave the hareming to the gaggles of gals or guys that make up their weekend entrouge of “awesome peeps.”