Saturday, December 22, 2007

"Life never gives us what we want at the moment we consider appropriate."

The above is a quote from the classic novel, "A Passage to India" by E.M. Forrester. Aside from finding this little bit of truth rather brilliantly put, it impacted me greatly because for the past little while, I've felt like I've been really ready for a lot of things I've been working for, and they just aren't coming. Do you ever feel that way? If so, carry on, if not, well you can indulge me or go do something more productive.

It's always about life's big choices isn't it? Where to go to school, what to study, what career path to follow, who to marry...big stuff. I'm one who tends to plan it all out on a neat timeline, never considering that my organized path may not be the path for me at all. Consider, I graduated from my University with a degree in English teaching and French. Naturally, I planned out my life to work some "whatever" job during the summer (which turned out to be a bookstore, which turned out to be awesome fun), and then start teaching in the Fall. Well, it all was working out that way. I moved to a new town, started teaching in the Fall, and then began to plan my life from there: getting into an MA program for Fall of next year, working over the summer at another FT job so I could shove all those earnings into paying off weighty student loans, finally being able to travel to places I wanted to see, and maybe meet and intriguing person or two along the way. thinking my life had finally really started, that I was actually GETTING somewhere, turned into a disappointment. I lost my teaching job the first of October, and I haven't been able to find another one. I'm working at a temp job I'm very grateful for, but that makes me feel I'm stagnating, not moving forward, and in fact, perhaps digressing a little as well. I've decided to postpone my MA ambitions for an entire year later, because I don't think I'll have the funds now to pay for it. I feel like I'm floating in the same place I was during school, always looking forward towards dreams and desires that are just out of my reach. Have ya'll ever felt this way? WELL! I'm glad that you have! It makes the prospects not seem so gray with a little bit of company.

Thus, what have a learned. Well, some patience clearly, but mostly faith in the future; planned or surprised. Although I've had my very gray moments, the sun is showing itself more and more, and the mist is dissolving. I've taken a step back, and am interested to see where I end up. Sometimes it's really all you can do isn't it? Just let that higher force dictate where you will go, giving up your will, for His will. I guess it's a lot easier said than done isn't it? We want all the answers right now - but maybe those answers won't be appreciated or mean as much if we get them when WE feel it's appropriate.

I didn't give you the entire quote from above - the last bit is thus: "Adventures do occur, but not punctually."

Well! So long as the DO or WILL occur, what's to worry about? It's a waste of time and emotion for sure. So long as there's no question whether they will or will not happen, then we might as well sit back and enjoy (or at least loosen our grip on the handle bar a bit more) and wait for the adventure to occur. That's something to plan on, isn't it? I think so. I'm going to pencil that in.

1 comment:

heidikins said...

Love you girly! This will pass, and the adventures will come!

Hang in there!