I can't sleep. I don't know why. I mean - if it were Christmas Eve and the promise of giving and receiving were on the other end of an 8 hour night - that's one thing. If it were the night before my wedding, or perhaps a big trip, maybe a stressful final or big day at work - okay, I can see being restless. Likewise, perhaps if I had taken a 3 hour nap that day, lazed around not exerting much energy, or perhaps having had something stressful or demoralizing happen that kept me tossing and turning all night - again, that's one thing. But to just NOT sleep?
Not a wink. It wasn't a particularly unique Tuesday. I got up at a normal hour (8am to get to work by 10am). I worked all day - that usually is enough for most folks to feel a little drowsy during the day. I then went and played some volleyball immediately after which I solidified plans and helped organized our team for the Wasatch Back Relay this weekend (stress!! Okay maybe that had something to do with it). I got home around 10:30 - my usual bedtime - did the usual reading of the good word, and lights out by a little after 11:00. Well, the lights might be out - but I didn't "drift" off until 12:30 - and then woke up at 1:15am...2:13am...3:15 ...3:34... 4:03... 4:37...and when my alarm went of at 5:00am - what did I do? Well I went ahead and got up. What else was there to do? I showered and got ready - and was oddly 4 minutes late to work anyway. Doesn't it seem that no matter what time you get up - you always arrive at work (school, church) at the same time? Vicious cycle.
I guess it could've been my fear of the Wasatch Back Relay this weekend that kept me tossing and turning. Although, after some organization and discussion with team members last night, much of my stress was very much relieved to be honest. Hm. Volleyball was mostly fun - until a jerk showed up at the end and kind of ruined it for everyone. For some reason he decided he was going to pick on the little girl on the opposite team - aka ME - and act like a total jackass the entire time we played. Usually - I have a pretty thick skin and am used to having to defend myself against bullies when I'm called upon to do so. I guess it comes from being the "oldest" in the family and defending still younger and not as strong as me brothers from playground bullies. I shoved a girl to the ground once who was trying to push around my ickle brother Seth. Course - he's almost 23 now and has no need for my expertise anymore - but the point is I can usually hold up under circumstances most girls would shirk from or at the very least - start tearing. Well, for some reason - yesterday this guy got under my skin and irritated me to the point of tears. After the game was over I just left in a swoosh. I didn't stay to help put away the net or shoot the breeze with the fun friends that usually play with us. I was done. I'd had it. Gone. I play volleyball each week to relieve stress and have fun interaction with friends. I was particularly upset that this guy had come to ruin that for me - for all of us. I admire I was on a team full of boys who didn't become raving morons themselves and probably spared us greater contention. Although, I guess it would've been very heroic of them to have defended me a little bit. Oh well. A rock and a hard place for the fella's. I mean, besides really acting like a complete moron the entire time, this guy relentless made biting comments to me "OH...what are you gonna do when I SLAM the ball down on you?" To which I scoffed and laughed mockingly - looking at his 5'6 stocky frame and wondering if his Small Man Syndrome enhanced his "ass-ness" or just solidified it. He probably chose me to mock because I was the only one shorter than him. Ew. EW! Ew. I don't think I've ever wanted anyone to fail like I wanted that guy to fail...and fail miserably he did. It still didn't bring me much satisfaction though - and put me in a right state to tears as I walked off. :( Sigh...this is why a girl needs a Daddy...to go after (or at least threaten to go after) jerks that are mean to his little Princess...or maybe a courageous boy that will tell him to shut the heck up and leave me alone.... or at the very least... give me a hug in my clearly upset state. Sniff. Huggy hug. Daddy Dad. Boy...boy...isn't that what they're for? I guess you only notice when they're missing how nice it would be to have them around. Good guys are basically priceless - lets be honest.
Hm, maybe that's why I didn't sleep much. But I could sure sleep right now and this makes me excited for going to bed nice and early tonight - hoping for a solid 8-9 hours of rest. I may run 5 miles just to make sure that I will collapse in a tired heap no matter what. It's not worth taking any chances.