The very important news of the day (week... months... on end)

First, Chelsea Clinton finally, FINALLY, finally got (secretively) married. Phew. I'm so glad that I was able to follow that story for nigh on three weeks. I've learned that it's secret, that it's (was) in Rhineback New York, that's it's top secret, that Oprah and Barbra Streisand could be invited (and weren't... along with Mr. Obama), AND, that it's secretly being held in Rhineback New York! And don't you for one minute think the story ends with the wedding (why would we think THAT?!?!) What about the after-party? The honeymoon? WHAT did people WEAR!?!?! What did people EAT! Who was Bill's date? Er... wait...

This is a former President's daughter we're talking about here! A former FIRST daughter! Oh, and her mom's Secretary of State BUT she's a former President's daughter!

Second, but probably more important than the first, Lindsay Lohan is out of jail (good old 90 day sentence... except it was 14 days) and on her way to court mandated rehab (again... and again). And now to Matt Lauer who's been following this story quite closely for two months... okay... three months. Let's see if we can find some psycho-analysts to discover why Linds has turned into a cracked out jail-bird (cue global eye roll... ), because that's how much we care Linds! We REALLY care.

Third, the stuffy old BBC had to go and ruin the ride by reporting on some flood killing thousands in Pakistan. Psh. Get a clue, BBC... floods are sooooo 2005.

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Dear Very Bored American Media,

I think it's time for another oil spill... Eh? Right?

Yours truly,
Andrea