Wednesday, January 26, 2011

What's a pirates favorite movie?

ARRRRRRRR... rated movies!

Ba dum chi! I'll be here all day!

I've not seen an R-rated movie since... oh 2002. Why you ask? Well there's a couple of reason. One is religious but mainly, I'm a wuss puss. When a movie is rated R, it's indicating to me there is certain content that goes beyond my mental capacity to cope with. I also have a very vivid imagination and a capacity to recall images with deep clarity. Do I want blown up bodies floating around in my head as I try to get ready for bed or read an article for school? Not really. And many times, with the content of R movies, I feel I've left a piece of my soul in the theater. In general, they're just too much for me.

Of course, there are some "R categories" that I can handle more than others. Example: sex. I'm sensitive to watching people having sex on the big screen - as in I don't like it. Call me a prude but it makes me incredibly uncomfortable watching such a personal, intimate thing with a large group of people, on a 20 foot screen. Again, just a personal thing. I'm not suggesting to the wider world that sex is something to be ignored or shunned... just for me... I choose not to watch movies where sex might be a heavy, very visual, theme. I prefer to keep my sex exploration to personal experience and conversations. And truly, with sex themes it's not just the "R" movies but many PG-13's and network or cable television shows I purposely avoid when it's clear that will be the over-arching theme. Sex in the City? Never seen it. Don't care to. Don't want to. And that's just how I roll.

 I also don't like the extremely crass or crude language. Not a fan. And by crass and crude - this goes well beyond swears. I have little angel ears and they bleed when their bubbles are popped. Then there's the violence thing. Honestly - depending on the context of the violence (see: Saving Private Ryan vs. Blood Diamond) sometimes my tender heart can handle it, particularly when attached to historical significance, and sometimes.... no no no thank you. Horror movies would fall into that category of "no likey that chopping of the head and eating brains" movies for me. I watched AMC's the Walking Dead this last round and I will tell you, that's probably the pinnacle of violence acceptance my soul can handle. Even then there was some clean-up (pun intended!).

So what am I saying? Well, I've not seen an R movie since 2002 for religious reasons sure - but mainly because I'm a tender soul who just doesn't "feel right" after watching such things as an "R" rating may indicate.

All that said...

Last night I saw the King's Speech. And it was phe-nom-en-al. And why did I feel I could handle (justify) this "R" versus say, Black Swan? Well, I had it on good authority that the "R" rating was attached to the 20 something times the King, attempting to overcome his speech impediment, says the F word. And might I say, they were tastefully placed and contextually justifiable "F's". Comparing this "R" with some other "R's" I've heard of or seen advertised, or for heavens sake some PG-13's I felt sucked out my eternal SOUL, I had to scoff at the public's reliance on the MPAA's ability (or inability) to pass a public moral judgement on what is "R", "PG-13", or "PG" material. That a movie with  graphic sex scenes and human torture can receive the same rating as a movie like King's Speech with a handful of "contextual" F's is incredibly inconsistent. Perhaps it's yet one more commentary on the importance of individual judgement and the non-reliance on the "media" or "society" to inform the lay-person of acceptable content. Social Network (also loved) was by far and away more of an "R", in the connotation of what R means, than King's Speech. Then again, I AM a wuss puss and maybe there's someone out there that equates blown up bodies as just as graphic as 20 contextual F's. We all draw little moral circles around ourselves and live in such a way that makes us comfortable. R's - they mostly make me uncomfortable - but the King's Speech - inspiring and brilliant. Just one of those things...

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Day Seis and Siete of da Cruise, or The Restaurant that Shall Not Be Named, or more beach front and shopping, or the post where I finally reveal the face of the Spartan, or day(s) of the polar bear, monkey, and snail.

I know you’ve been waiting for the final chapter of the Great Christmas Cruise. Well, I will not make you wait anymore!

Enter: Mazatlan

Mazatlan was our final stop before pulling up anchor and cruising back to the good old US of A. They always say to save the best for last – and Mazatlan was definitely the best stop for me. I feel it took the shopping and hyped-up beachfront of Cabo and combined it with the local shopping, mingling, and eatering of La Paz. What better way to sum up a cruise than combining everything together in one big old hot mess of a port? Right? Right!

Lets look at some images:

First we ventured around town to stumble (luckily) upon the Historic District in Mazatlan. Here are some things you might find in a historic district de Mexico.

A turquoise walll... naturally 

A pot-bellied Buddah-esque Spaniard.... again, naturally. (See how I'm ALSO trying to be a pot-bellied Buddah-esque Spaniard?) 

A Golden Feliz Navidad! Alright... I know no one will pity me when I say it was really weird to spend Christmas in 80 degree weather. But truly, it was pretty weird. Hearing Silent Night being played outside churches with the bright sun warming your face and palm trees swaying in the wind is a bit disconcerting. Snort! Who am I kidding! It was GREAT! And you are all SUCKERS for being cold! HA!

And what's Christmas without... you guessed it... Jesus
And Church

Never fear, Tommy the donkey was there too. I mean, no way Mary was going to make it to Bethlehem without a Tommy right? Lets give a shout out to Tommy! Heeeeey....ohhhhhhh!

This little structure below happens to be a really good restaurant. Nay, the BEST restaurant in the WHOLE freaking Mexican WORLD we did ever consume of the Mexican deliciousness within!! I'm submitting that whole phrase for the restaurant-yet-to-be-named, name. It was a fairly new venture for the owner - no name - no on-hand chips for the salsa (but never fear - they had a little 9 year old senorita scamper down to the local grocer and pick us up a bag)- and a few lawn chairs set up at fold out tables. But my friends - I've never had a finer burrito before or since... nor I expect ever again. And don't even get me started on the Pico. I think this blog would turn quickly obscene if you wanted to hear about the Pico. It was... REALLY good. So so so goooooood.

We also did alot... ALOT of shopping in Mazatlan and really, anywhere I can do a lot of really great cheap shopping will always hold a special sparkling place in my heart. It's my fondest memory of Cambodia. Forget that dusty old Angkor Watt!

Here is some of that "disconcerting" beach front I was talking about earlier. I guess I could get used to a balmy Christmas and Santa in a speedo.

Speaking of speedos... here's the Spartan
Dean Frost

WOW! I kind of just dropped that right down on your face didn't I? That's really him though. I felt there was no need for a "build-up" because frankly, I've built him up over three previous posts and this picture makes him look like a loony tune. I was hoping he'd change it before the end of this post came around - a fools hope! Guess he's happy with this picture indefinitely. He should take FB-stalking former cruisers into consideration. Doesn't he know we'll talk about him as being the basic staple of our cruise enjoyment? Sheesh. Or perhaps his friends call him Crazy-Eye Spartan back home which in such a case, I guess this picture is fairly FB perfect. Truth be told he probably was a little loony, what with his idolization of that NFL fellow, his eating of raw animal genitals, and his proclaiming ultimate victory on any Survival-type show ever created because "if the animals can survive off grass and carcass; why can't we?" Well Spartan, I'll save the obvious drivel about opposable thumbs, brain mass, and bi-ped nature of humans. Not to mention the lack of various things such as claws, fur, stretchy tongues to nab insects, and an overabundance of soft pliable flesh, and just let you live in that dream. Who am I to take that away?

Anyway - that's the Spartan - lowered on you like a BOOM from above - much like he descended upon me. 

To conclude this final posting of the Cruise - I will tell you that Christmas Eve and Christmas Day was spent lounging on the boat in more sunshine, reading novels, visiting the Spartan when we could, and eating. I guess that's how I spend most Christmas's - lounging and eating - but without the Spartan or the sun (which were clearly KEY to my Christmas happiness this year). All and all it was relaxing and enjoyable. I'd recommend a cruise if you really want to completely relax - there's no major planning involved and everything is basically taken care of for you. I've been out of the country two other times - and though I loved it all - there's a certain element of mental exhaustion and stress that goes with any vacation, particularly of the international variety. So a cruise was just the relaxation ticket I was looking for. Of course, I'd never choose to see the Islands of the Mediterranean this way or perhaps not even the Caribbean. But Mexican Riviera? Sure, why not.

Oh, and don't worry, next to the Spartan, I know your anxious to see the critters we spent our final days at sea with.

There was Mr. Polar Bear

Lady Snail

And my personal favorite of which I didn't see until after we'd enter our cabin and I was tearing up because I didn't think we'd received a towel-critter on CHRISTMAS EVE! Gasp!

                                                                  Spunky the Monkey!

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Screen Saver Shame

Yesterday I trained some very important people on the program I run - asking them to give of their own time as volunteers in local schools. I like to train with power points and thus, I take my laptop with me to provide such an interactive experience to potential volunteers. Makes sense.I plug my laptop into their projector system and it's splashed in gigantic color at the front of the room so all can be sure to see it.

And here's the screen saver I have been currently sporting on said laptop.

Yes, it's intended to be ironic. Come on! Of COURSE it's intended to be ironic! But did these potential volunteers know that? No. They just thought it was my selected screen saver. And suddenly, a window to my personal world was unfortunately opened though not in the way I intended such a screen saver to convey my personality. Instead, these individuals, not really knowing anything about me, because of this screen saver now think I'm destined to be a crazy single cat lady carrying home-made hippie hobo bags and sporting Teevas with wool socks. Their eyes glazed over envisioning a small apartment with horrible green carpet, smells of stale cooked onions and humus, with crocheted blankets strewn over the brown turned grayish beige couch and "antique" rocking chair with a missing arm, all surrounded by bad lighting, bits of fur floating aimlessly through the air, and two or three cats lounging about on the furniture watching intruders with disdain. I watched them all look directly at that screen saver, to my bar left hand ring finger, and shake their head in pity: "Poor girl... she's already given up."

So I changed my screensaver to this.
 A wise decision I feel.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

What the Comma Usage? A Grammatical Rant.

Okay. I generally avoid grammatical rants because it only leads to putting myself on a grammatical pedestal so when I make a grammatical mistake or typo, the sentence-combers and angry-bored-OCD people can exclaim "OH! LOOK! LOOK! You made a mistake! Thus all grammatical opinions you have are NOT right! NOT RIGHT! Blaspheme! Gnashing of teeth!"

So I avoid it. Generally.

I also don't care to go pulling grammatical motes out of eyes when I'm sure I have a few sticking out of my own. Again, it sets one up to tumble right off that ivory tower, and I don't care to tumble. Also, as many of you grammarians know, grammar can be rather dynamic. If you look at history, there are various grammatical "norms" that have shifted through the ages. Capitalization for example. Have any of you actually read the Constitution of the United States? They're just Capitalizing all Over the place! Wherever their Hearts desire! Proper nouns "only" be Hanged! So we can all concede that grammar is dynamic, and that no one wants to put themselves on a grammatical pedestals just to be shoved off by a squinty-eyed loony.

THAT said.

Can I tell you what drives me grammatically nuts and I've seen it used (or not used) more and more and more as the years go on? I work in an atmosphere of academics, and as such, I expect individuals to have a grasp on grammar basics. Sometimes it's the case... but sometimes.... yeeeeeah. This is where I first started noticing this particular pattern I'm about to rant about. It involves:

The comma.

The comma can be an elusive fellow. Some individuals think that their sentences can run on for pages if they merely employ the comma to break it up. NOT SO! A run on is a run on and no amount of hiding behind 200 commas will save you from my red pen! Also, lack of commas. Is there no time to create a "natural pause" in your sentence so the lay-reader can grasp what you're saying? Truly? If you're time is that strapped - I suggest loosening your schedule. Moderation in all things - including commas. Use them, don't abuse them. 

And then, here's my favorite and the crux of my rant, using commas for lists. Here's the pattern I've noticed lately and I've finally snapped! I'm eyeing that mote-in-the-eye with fiery fervor and resolve! I've noticed a lot of "lists" of 3 or more items, being demonstrated as follows:

"Octavius the Seal sought, found and consumed, several baby crabs a day."

Can you tell me what's wrong with this sentence? If you can't, then you're part of the problem. Here... try this:

"Octavius the Seal sought, found, and consumed several baby crabs a day."

Still not sure?

How about this:

"Gerard loved to eat hot dogs, green beans, and macaroni and cheese." 


"Gerard loved to eat hot dogs, green beans, and macaroni, and cheese."

Macaroni and cheese does NOT require a comma after the "macaroni" because it's a grouping. They "go" together. We all know this. They (the macaroni and the cheese) are viewed as a "single" item in a list of other singular items. They are not TWO separate items. The difference between "macaroni and cheese" and "sought, found, and consumed" is that "sought, found, and consumed" is a list of separate singular items SEP-AR-ATED with a comma whereas "hot dogs, green beans, and macaroni and cheese" are also singular items separated with a commas, with macaroni and cheese being seen as as singular item in the list. Comprende? Wake up!! This lesson isn't over until the bell rings! You're on MY time.

Ahem! To the smart books!

"Use a comma to separate the elements in a series (three or more things), including the last two. "He hit the ball, dropped the bat, and ran to first base." You may have learned that the comma before the "and" is unnecessary, which is fine if you're in control of things. However, there are situations in which, if you don't use this comma (especially when the list is complex or lengthy), these last two items in the list will try to glom together (like macaroni and cheese). Using a comma between all the items in a series, including the last two, avoids this problem. This last comma—the one between the word "and" and the preceding word—is often called the serial comma or the Oxford comma. In newspaper writing, incidentally, you will seldom find a serial comma, but that is not necessarily a sign that it should be omitted in academic prose."

To avoid confusion, use commas to separate words and word groups with a series of three or more.
Example:My $10 million estate is to be split among my husband, daughter, son, and nephew. Omitting the comma after son would indicate that the son and nephew would have to split one-third of the estate.

Use commas to separate three or more words, phrases, or clauses written in a series

The Constitution established the legislative, executive, and judicial branches of government
(NOT!!... established the legislative, executive and judicial branches of government. That would make it seem like the executive and judicial branches of government are together and the only seperate entity from those two is the legisliatve branch. Get it?!??!)

This attests to how dynamic grammar can be even country to country. In Britain, they use what is now becoming an American PLAGUE of comma: The flag is red, white and blue. Very. Un.American.

Guess what? We're (me and the one person who's pushing through this post like a champ!) LIVE in America. When in Rome, ya'll. When in Rome. So here's what good patriotic Americans do: [We] favor the Oxford (or Harvard) comma. These people place a comma before the and.

The flag is red, white, and blue.

NOTE: In Americastandard usage is to leave the comma in. For the love of ducks, leave it IN!

So unless you are British or a pompous American wishing they were British, or living in Britain and wanting to desperately grammatically fit in, you best leave that comma in when it's needed. And if you want to claim "I'm doing it the British way" I better see you spelling such things like colourtheatre (American comma), and semestre, thus.

In conclusion:

Co-workers, friends, and people who ask me to read over their papers and then don't take my grammatical suggestions seriously, (and NOT co-workers, friends (sans comma) and people who ask me to read over their papers and then don't take my grammatical suggestions seriously, as you are NOT singularly grouped with friends but they are in FACT separate elements in a series - UNLIKE - macaroni and cheese), recognize that my placing a comma after your document's "elements in a series" because they are still separate singular ideas is correct (and American) and NOT like "macaronis and cheeses." Or, just don't bring your crap to me anymore. Your comma usage is feeble (or pompous) and though grammar is dynamic, this comma rule still makes logical sense just as it always has and likely always will. It's the American way. Be a patriot!

I make a declaration!

I so declare that I shall NEVER give in to the becoming ever more "socially acceptable" lack of appropriate comma usage in a list of singular elements, even though seeming "academics" are starting to loosen their grammatical standards all around me and blatantly ignore my "comma corrections" when they CON-SIS-TENT-LY clump singular elements as "one" JUST because they're the last TWO elements in a series (British exceptions for British people living in Britain apply). My commas will always separate elements in a series and leave the "macaroni and cheeses" of sentences to their own proper devices. There's a difference. A big difference. And my children and my children's children, will all be champions of the proper use of commas in a series. 

God Bless America!

(Alright. I expect many a response scrutinizing the grammatical errors and/or typos I may have made in this post (and perhaps a reference to my inordinate amount of parenthetical asides). But I felt a good rant about annoying comma usage and moreover, the blatant DISREGARD of my grammar corrections when I've been ASKED specifically to do such, stands. And is stands on a a foundation created by our forefathers. It stands on American soil.)

Friday, January 7, 2011

Day Cinco of da Cruise, OR strolling on the Boardwalk, OR the day of the Crab, OR Bear Grylls goes to South Africa

There's not a lot to say about La Paz other than it was FABULOUS, peaceful, and perfect. It reminded me a great deal of Carmel-by-the-Sea in California - which happens to be one of my favorite places. It was all very picturesque and Spanish, and sea-shore-town like. The best part was the lack of tourist-heavy coercion and crowding. La Paz is more of an "unknown" it seems, as most cruise lines tend to frequent Catalina or Puerto Vallarta. I'm glad ours decided to take a chance on La Paz - because La Paz took a chance on us - and it was pure magic.

Come! Slip on some sandals, pour yourself some lemonade, pick a novel, grab a spring scarf just in case, and walk with me through La Paz:

 Meet Senor La Paz. I thought the best way to feel Paz-ian was to step in the shoes/form/pose of Mr. La Paz himself. And I promise you it is a Senor despite his feminine characteristics. There was a plaque... and he had a beard. There's probably a joke in there about women having beards too - but I'm just not grasping it at the moment.
 This fellow was deemed "The Old Man and the Sea" after the very same Old Man in the Sea c/o Ernest Hemingway. I admit, I'm not a huge Hemingway fan, BUT, I do love Old Man and the Sea and I particularly liked this Old Man and the Sea, as he looks out to the horizon beyond. I needed to look too - just to see what he was seeing. Turns out... it was the Sea! What!!

Gelato. Of course. Who goes to Mexico and doesn't get some Italian Gelato? Psh - not us.
A church. Purty.

Our activities in La Paz consisted of strolling, picture taking, window shopping, strolling some more, and eating. Doesn't that sound like a lovely day? If we would've had two days in La Paz, I would probably stroll and eat again - maybe shake things up by reading a novel in the sand or taking a dip in the sea. I do have one regret - apparently the snorkeling in La Paz is THEE best (and world famous and "duh... you didn't know that?"). But there's that pesky cost of excursions we had to consider in addition to Stu, the witless wonder of a cruise director, giving us grave warnings about the possibility of cold weather that day. Can I tell you how it was a balmy, beautiful, 80 degrees'ish? Stupid Stu. 

And what Cruise post would be complete without an update on The Spartan! First, I know that many of you are thinking "please please say you got a picture with this hottie with the naughty body PLUS accent." Well... okay. I didn't. LISTEN! I am scouring Facebook and the Internet trying to find a picture. I really am! I'm doing this cyber-stalking for YOU 3 readers and so help me, I'll find one. There is one of him on his FB but er... he looks uh... crazy. Gots that crazy look in his eye. And there's no body shot to speak of which lets be honest, is the POINT of physically objectifying people for your own carnal pleasures. If I can't find a picture that encompasses his prowess and physical glory - then the back up is to imagine a muscley rugby playing Spartan in a loin cloth with a South African accent and great hair. I'm sure you have such a fantasy on deck anyway - so just make the necessary modifications to your fantasy and you'll see mine... which happened to be REAL! Oh snap.

Okay so, lion testicles. We attended our stretch class and then stuck around for Body Conditioning. I still can't decided if that was a blessing or a curse because I think I walked with a limp and hunched the rest of the cruise. It was one of those heart-pounding muscle grinding workouts that ROCK and suck all at once. While we were all attempting not to pass out and DIE, the Spartan had moved on from his daily update of NFL scores and that Vick guys athletic superpowers, and was now telling us about his families Wild Game Ranch in South Africa (add "clearly well-to-do-family" and "manly" to that fantasy list). Somewhere between my caves exploding and my biceps combusting, he explains that if we come a-huntin on his fams Wild Game Ranch and kill something (which lets be honest, that item on the bucket list was fast approaching so what luck!), then we MUST, to assert our hunterness or huntressness, either eat the animals testicles OR uterus ya know, depending on the gender. This is when the Spartan got very serious and looked us with glinting eyes, "and if you don't [eat the raw gentles]" he continues, "you'll never hunt on our game farm A-GAIN!" A hush falls over the room. I mean, talk about a Sophie's Choice! Either eat animal balls or NEVER kill a majestic Lion that looks like Aslan from Narnia again? Noooooooo!!! I can't choose! I just can't! Just... butter up that ovary and I'll take a bite! I want to kill things! All things!! BIG THINGS!


I asked him what would happen if I shot a human on his Ranch - and he said "same rules." Let me tell you that this moment was the first indicator that the Spartan, under his manly physique and testicle nibbling ways, had a very small sense of humor. I felt we slightly connected. I also felt like I'd met the South African Bear Grylls (Man vs. Wild - sooooo so so awesome); and that's saying something about his acute manliness. Bear drank his own urine for heavens sake! He found a goat eyeball in Iceland and boiled it in a lava-hot-spring before popping it in his mouth like... like... like a gumball! He ate GOAT testicles and slept in a hallowed out camel in Africa! Shooting a lion and eating its manhood is just another day in the life to Bear Grylls... and the Spartan... it would seem. 

Well, I guess this seems like a good time to show you a picture of him with that crazy glint in his eye. I hope I don't get sued or something for cyber-stealing this pic and showing all 3 of you. But, it's kind of a risk I'm willing to take. Because that's how I much I want you to see what I see/saw:

Oh snap! Listen, that's a pretty good depiction of this dude! Alright alright... I'll keep looking for a legit pic. Meanwhile, enjoy your fantasies.

After dinner and breadbaskets, this little buddy greeted us upon our return. I looked deep into his paper blue eyes, seeing all the creatures that came before him and all those that would come after him, and promised not only would I NOT shoot him dead, but if he should die, I would make sure no one cooked up his manly regions for an on-the-trail snack.

Until we meet again...

*Day Seis Preview*

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

To Resolute

I know you're all anxiously waiting for days (googling spelling of Spanish numbers... hold please...) cinco and seis of the cruise, and they will be along shortly. But! Today! I've finally accepted it's 2011 and you know what that means!

Time to Resolute!
1. to firmly resolved or determined; set in purpose or opinion


1. the act of resolving or determining upon an action or course of action, method, procedure, etc
2. the mental state or quality of being resolved or resolute; firmness of purpose

Much like drugs, drinking, and pre-marital sex, everyone's doing it! Resolving that is. So who am I to NOT jump on the old bandwagon and resolute as well? Nobody that's who! Bah! Bah! (that's a sheep noise... er... yes). First though, it behooves me (big girl word!) to examine what I failed to accomplish in 2010 to know what goals to set up for failure in 2011. Keeps me unmotivated you see... and steeped in tradition. I've always failed - so why succeed now? I'm cross-stitching that mantra on something.

Here's a brief recap of some of the more drastic failures of 2010:

1. I resoluted...resolved to go to Thailand, Vietnam, and Cambodia. And guess what? I totally did. So we'll count that as a success rather than a fail. Though the "Cambodian intestinal bacteria of DEATH" and I still have unresolved matters! Stupid bacteria.

2. I said I'd be writing my resolutions from Australia the "next year" which is this year. Currently I am in SLC trying to ignore the bite of freezing weather and NOT talk about my New Years which consisted of Wal Mart and a crippled cat named Ludo. Okay okay... it was fun because fun to me is NOT staying up all night. Which is what I did.... or didn't do, rather. I really don't see how staying up all night is appealing to anyone. "Hey guys! Lets stay up all night!!" Ick... why? How does that sound fun and awesome? Sleep is good. No sleep is bad. So that's a fail on the Australia bit, BUT, I went on a Cruise for Christmas which means I'm still awesome. So I get awesome points and therefore - that fail evens out to a shrug and an eye roll. Even Stevens.

3. Run a half marathon. Basically didn't do that. Sooo... yeah.

4. Learn to sew things. Didn't do that either. Well, I did sew a button back on a dress once this year. OH! And my brother Seth, when I told him I didn't sew things, exclaimed "Really? For some reason I thought you sewed!" Aw. I like it when people think I'm more skilled then I am. What a sucker. So sewing a button and someone THINKING I'm a sewer evens out to not a fail or success... but the shrug and eye roll again. I'm feeling more and more encouraged!

5. Another mentionable is/was/could be my goal to get married. Well, I did! Surprise! Oh... oh no I didn't. Nope. Big OLD HUGE F.A.I.L there! FAIL FAIL FAIL! LIFE FAIL! But my BROTHER did and I'm going to go ahead and give me some points for that too. Why not? Whhhhhy not!!! Him getting married seemed like a small success for me too. I mean, I raised three brothers and without my sisterly guidance, they'd probably be drugged out losers (no offense to you drugged out losers... ) and therefore married only to their addictions. Seth was, because of me, not married to addictions and therefore, married Emily... who is also NOT a drugged out loser. Woo! Success! This year I'm making no such marriage goal because I'm more or less indifferent and far too busy for such things. Maybe I'll make a dating goal "go on one." Ta dah!

Alright, enough looking back! Let's press forward! You've gotta put your behind in the past ;) (an e-high five for whomever knows that movie reference)

I've formulated the following resolutions as being no less than 99% sure to be a success. That's how firmly and determinedly resolved I am to accomplish these actions.

1. Graduate - Summer 2011. You will then refer to me as Master Cox.
2. Travel - anything that takes me outside the state of Utah... or inside the state really so's long as I haven't been there before - like the Harmons on Highland Drive or... Enterprise, Utah.
3. Eat less, exercise more. There's that sheep again! Back on your bandwagon sheep!
4. Make more money - legally
5. Turn 28
6. Alright... run a half marathon. Let's give it another go. Why not?
7. Go to movies sometimes
8. Wear skirts
9. Chew gum
10. Go on one date in 2011. Now if that one fails I really will be a pathetic loser. I sure hope I'm not setting myself up for failure. Gulp.

Okay!! And that should do it. You see how I like to keep things simple and strait forward. I feel like a success already. How about you? What were your biggest failures of 2010 and how are you going to resolve to do the same or a little worse this year? Tell me and I'll send you a t-shirt that says 'Watered Down Resolutions are the Key to 98% Success!" Naw, I won't... but maybe you could make one and wear it. There's a goal!