Tuesday, February 19, 2008

I want those hours of my life back - seriously.

Cliff (the boy) and my brother Seth were astounded at my complete duress and surprise that the movie "Jumper" completely failed to represent anything worth spending money on to go see. I must admit I was a victim of clever Hollywood movie promotion and marketing. It made me completely forget that Hayden Christensen is a bad actor and that in and of itself should've been my first clue. Two Star Wars movies should've been my first clue!! How do these people (Bill Paxton, Kirsten Dunst. Mr. Christensen) keep getting jobs?!? He's not even that good-looking. And really, do not get me started on Rachel Bilson. Shudder. Now, I've only ever seen a handful of The OC episodes, and RUMOR has it she's pretty funny in that show. However, if Jumper is any indication of her "budding" film career, listen to me sister, STICK with the Teen-Soap operas and brainless Bimbo roles. I realize the dismal writing in this movie wasn't your fault. I realize that trying to play off Hayden Christensen's single "concerned, watery eyed" look is probably difficult, and furthermore, being the "tack on" love interest in a movie that really could've done fine and dandy with just a "stop in Singapore" interest, is asking a lot. But, Samuel L Jackson and Diane Lane, both notable and successful actors (meaning they have been known to actually be good at what they do - although clearly make mistakes sometimes) seemed to pull of their shallow and poorly written characters surrounded by the same ridiculous and disadvantageous working conditions, why not you? Sigh. I seriously considered asking for my money back. Cliff was flabbergasted I had actually expected something out of this film, so he wasn't as annoyed with it. I guess going in knowing that the film is going to be dismal helps you not feel so...used! Seth called a little later and I mentioned it was horrible; he laughed and said "What did you expect? It's Hayden Christensen." ALRIGHT guys! I get it! But CLEARLY I've learned my lesson. The best part of this movie outing was my ice cold Diet Coke and the company, and that only made it bearable. Afterwards I went to the music store next to the theater and bought the Juno soundtrack. Sigh...it was a sweet relieving ointment to the itchy irritation that was "Jumper", the crapiest movie of 2008.

4 comments:

Crowther said...

WAIT WAIT WAIT. Did I read this right? Did you say something bad about the STAR WARS movies, meaning the new ones? I thought those were gold? Has Cliff taken you out of that Star Wars umbrella? If he has. WELL DONE! Well done indeed!!

Hester said...

No no no - I said they weren't "bad." Hayden is bad - but the movies were "eh." And I thought the LAST one was really good actually. Come come man. It's M. Night Sham I think is golden and you vomit on.

heidikins said...

Noted... skip Jumper, rewatch Juno.

xox

naomi said...

Hayden Christensen was a joke in Star Wars. He has this grotesque, signature pose where he glares at the camera lense from under furrowed brows. The movies became practically a still of him doing that with different backdrops changing on a green screen behind him.