Sunday, August 9, 2009

What do you do with a shy boy?

As my "dating" life goes - I tend to notice the slightly more outgoing type of mens. Not necessarily the "social butterfly" of the group or "Mr. 300 numbers in my phone" - but dudes that aren't scared to talk to... well... that's it... talk. And even those who are comfortable talking to la ladies. We not so bad is we? So cute and feminine (eye bat). Anyway... I guess what I'm saying is I've dated and/or gone out with dudes who are on the social comfort scale of average to outgoing. Now, this doesn't mean they're "cool." HA! NO! They're dorky - but they're outgoing and it just makes the whole "get to know you" process easier. I can roll with that as I'm fairly outgoing when I want to be. But I can also be quiet if I want to be too. I'd like to think this helps me empathize on some level with shy folks. As the general public is concerned, I'm comfortable and talkative. BUT... but... as 16 year old awkward fuzz-headed smart teenage girl as this is... around dudes that I (giggle) "like" I freeze up a bit. Dunno! It's a crazy mixing of family dynamics. My mom's side of the family is very reserved, very quiet, and soft spoken. This is my "have sighted cute boy" reaction. The other side of my family that I attribute my last name too - Cox's - tend to be - er - not so quiet. In fact, they're down right boisterous and social airplanes, zooming loudly and deliberately into social situations and grabbing anyone close to them to be new friends. There are no reservations, a lot of loud guffaws, mockery, and cherry-topped with a love of big gatherings and big fun. This is my personality in general too... maybe not so much the guffaws. Cough.

SO! Where am I going with this? WELL! I'm first hoping some of ya'll can empathize with the following: dating and not having it work... like ever... like... not functioning. After several attempts at trying to find a normal person without weird relationship issues (read: still following dating patterns of 16 year old boys) who (as sad as this is) is still is attracted to the opposite sex is... well... hard. It shouldn't be that hard - but some of you who are still hanging in the singles scene know exactly what I'm saying. Where are the normal ones??? Well, they are out there cause I've seen them... and the great majority are married. Ha! But I gets to thinking to myself, I believe there be some normal good natured stable mens out there in my preferred age bracket (23-29... very scientifically came to that average age... I'll tell you about it one day) and maybe, just maybe, I'M the one who's not seeing THEM. Yes! Maybe it's ME who needs to change my tactics a bit. Ya know? I mean it's logic Spock! If what you're doing isn't working, and there's a pattern over time that it isn't working, well snap girl! Change it up!

Mmmm... Spock. Glazed eyes... drool drip... longing sigh...

THUS, how am I changing it up? How am I going to create happier hunting grounds? WELL... among such items as spraying good smelling stuff on my body more frequently and learning more about man things like... eating and... burps. I am also changing what I'm hunting FOR. That's right. And it's not as hard as I thought it would be to be honest. Based on previous failures and lets face it, now fears of certain type-o-heartbreaking mens, I can SENSE them. And they all SENSE the same. I'm like Pavlov's dogs. After so many experiences with negative results, I'm learning to set up heart-walls against mens who look like heart-breakers... and a lot of the outgoing dudes now have that auto-yellow flag. My Pavlov reaction. Yup. So now we've come to how I'm changing my hunting style. Instead of hunting for the head lion, I'm looking for the secretary of state; the more reserved and even shy boy who is probably really cool and nice once you take the time and have the patience to get to know him. You feelin what I'm sayin? I think it's genius. Just because he's good-looking AND quiet doesn't mean he's a snobby snob as I would usually believe... but maybe he's just... quiet. That's all.

My only problem is this, I don't know what to DO with the quiet guy. I mean, I've got no experience on how the reserved guy rolls. That seems like a very challenging hunt. As a girl, I don't feel like I should be making any sort of "moves" at all. Oh sure I'll smile and bat and giggle at their jokes. And I'll be available if moves are to be made upon me, but alas, to maintain social norms and not freak the dude out, it's best to let the man do the ultimate hunting. But, again, how does a reserved boy hunt? What are his tactics? There's not a lot of communication bait right? So, how does he roll when he wants to hang with a girl? What are his signs? And what's a girl to do to assuage reserved boy's fears and doubts? Ya'll, I'm willing to broaden the horizons, but I'm stepping outside my territory a bit here. There may or may not be a "subject" for who I'd like to employ my new way of thinking, but am lost as to where to start or what to do. Advice required.


[sbg] said...

What to do with a shy boy. As a boy--and as a quasi-shy boy--I feel obligated to take on the question. But after much thought I've admitted to myself that I'm not the shy boy. Maybe all the guys are exactly like you. Maybe they are outgoing in group settings and then freeze up a bit one-on-one? I do that sometimes. In any case, I think the answer is the eventual answer to every question: road trips and rock music. Road trips give you time to talk... a lot of time. So much time, in fact, that there will be long periods of silence. Silence is good. I think you can learn almost as much about someone when you're not talking as when you're talking. And rock music. Nothing is sexier than a woman tickling the nethermost regions of my iPod. "I have THAT on my iPod!" Nuff said?

Andrea Jolene said...

Road trips... well goodness man! If he won't talk - how are you supposed to get him in a car? This is the problem! :)