Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Gobble Gobble

I hope you all ate yourselves into a food-stupor like I did. Thanksgiving is easily one of my top 3 holidays - surpassed only by Halloween and Talk like a Pirate Day. Right? Avast ye scabrous dogs! Ye slack-toothed Bill's rats! If I were to commit a horrendous crime (Piracy? I've got the accent! Now for the parrot) that would land me on death row and subsequently, allow me one final meal before I went to the chair, I'd request a full on Thanksgiving dinner! Warden! I said sweet potatoes AND smashed potatoes and yes! Orangeville gravy DOES exist you doughnut hole! Did you call my Grandma? She knows all about it and can send some on over to the Clinker. What a great final meal that would be! It's my jailbird bucket-list. What's on yours? Oh, you don't have one? Huh... well that's... weird. I mean, you never know if one day you'll land yourself in the big house. Anything could happen. Anything could just... snap! I guess only the really horrendous things land you on death row anymore. What happened to the good old days of merely accusing your neighbor of witchcraft and she was swinging from the noose the next day? And really, even the most horrendous crimes you have to basically be video-taped journaling your diabolical scheme; taped all the way through the crime like some "How I Murdered my Boss" documentary (only an example!!), outlining weapon selection, escape route, packing materials (oh come on! Cement shoes? Puh-lease... so cliche), and as the final scene, boasting how you had premeditated this murder ever since that thieving scallywag took half of the booty you rightfully stole and to prove it, here are the accomplices willing to squeal me out for a reduced sentence should this documentary accidentally fall into law-enforcement clutches. That final Thanksgiving dinner in the clinker already sounds like too much work.

Speaking of murder - I cooked my first Turkey this year! Yep! I was a turkey-cooking virgin until this year. I'm a slow mover - like to make sure I'm making the right decision. There's a lot of risk involved! However, I finally felt I'd gotten to know Turkey very well over the years and this year just felt... magical. And magic it was. I don't want to get too graphic - but lets just say I never thought I'd satisfy an entire room full of 20 people with my very first go around. Some people are just naturals I guess. Just think how good I'll be NEXT year!

The dead raw bird and live vegetable buddies 

The cooked bird and juicy vegetable buddies

Me sniffing satisfyingly after the cooking is done

Let me tell you the secret to a good Turkey. Yes, it only took me one time to know the secret. Brine the Bird. Truly! I think that's what clenched the deal for me in the end - it had already soaked it's little frozen body in salt water over night. I then proceeded to slather butter over its salty body and cook for 4 hours. Easy as pie I tell you. Except that pie is kinda hard - pie crust at any rate. Have you every attempted THAT? I did a pumpkin pie one year and after a few crust constructing attempts ended up at Marie Calendars. But after my Turkey success, I'm ready to tackle the All American Apple pie. Perhaps I'll try my hand at it after finals are over. When I have time to use my brain energy for something other than analysing this and researching that and presenting the other. Shudder.

Speaking of school.

I go to the University of Uta(thought I'd throw the stalkers a bone - it's the Holidays after all!)  and bleed red through and through. That said, last Saturday I watched the Utes BEAT that school down south (pst... It's BYU) and was so happy I got a gnarly celebration bruise on my calf to prove it. Hard core, right? I feel we won with... what's the word Max Hall used last year? Oh yes... Class ;) But mostly we won because we blocked what should've been BYU's game-winng field goal and I'm not to proud (dillusional) to admit that my hopes were very low that BYU would miss a field goal. Welp... they didn't miss... we just BLOCKED THAT SUCKER! Mwahahahahahahaha!

Here's a picture of that.

Alright - I hope you all had a fattening Thanksgiving and stayed out of jail. We still have Christmas to look forward to and as a reminder, I will not be here in this wintry wonderland of icy death, but here instead.



bets said...

i must say, i highly enjoyed your utah/byu blurb, mostly because i had all the same thoughts when we BEAT THEM!! isn't it such a good feeling? we beat them in the last real game they'll ever play against each other. sorry byu fans, but it hurts so good.

Nasher said...

In case you did not know, you can purchase pie crusts at the store. Depending on the type of pie I am making I either do the graham cracker crust or the frozen traditional crust. It makes life so much easier, because dough is tough, at least all the dough I have tried to make (you aren't the only one who can do puns). But because of these marvels of modern wonder I have successfully made pumpkin and pecan pies.