Exhibit A: I sprouted two... TWO... grey hairs this semester. I ceremoniously had my hairdresser pluck them out. She stroked my hand and offered me a frosty Diet Coke as I lamented I was too young to have "stress greys" and school is taking years off my life and my looks!! Take my life, school! But leave the hair alone!! It's even started to effect my eye sight! Squinting at pages and pages of text or writing for hours on a computer. I'm always having to "zoom" my screen these days so I can read without squinting (see: pre-crows feet) And lets not even get started on my fear of "secretary butt!" YOU know what I mean. I have this fear that if I sit all day everyday (which I do - see: desk job) and all night, , (which I do - see: 3 hour classes 2-3 times a week) and all weekend, (which I do - see: library/studying) my butt will gradually flatten and widen until no amount of lunges, stair climbers, or Jillian Michaels videos will ever correct the width of such an unsightly load. The sacrifices I make for education. Alas!
I'd like to share with you a list. I know! Lists! I love lists! You love lists! Without lists - I'm not sure I could maintain any semblance of sanity or organization. THIS list is particularly great because it acknowledges all the things I WILL do once I DON'T have school. I've already experienced some of these miraculous things, such as: reading for fun (right?!?!) and not feeling guilty about shopping all day on Saturday when I've got a pile of texts to read and a paper to start. These feelings are priceless gems I will never take for granted again.
So without further ado - I present!
THE LIST OF THINGS I WILL DO WHEN I NO LONGER "DO" SCHOOL:
1. Read for pleasure (oh the possibilities! The joy! The rapture!)
2. Write for pleasure. (Then you can say you knew me when)
3. Workout more (I will! I will! Perhaps even take a class! Ooo... cycling? Zumba? The sky's the limit!)
4. Cook more
5. Look into "fun" classes like sewing or Beginning Spanish or "how to write the next great American novel"
6. Get paid more (thank you Masters degree... you better come through)
7. Have no guilt doing social things on weeknights... weekends... pretty much anytime I should be doing homework and am not. No more lingering finger-wagging school nanny in the back of my mind! Away with you school-nanny! Away!
8. Travel more - because I'll be getting paid more
9. Shop more (see afore mentioned getting paid more)
10. Adjunct. As in adjunct professoring. I'd like to do that one night a week. Keep the academic juices flowing. But I'd like to be the one demanding the work rather than having to do it. Shore, professoring comes with a different kind of "school work" but I'll get PAID for that rather than paying out thousands to work my brains to pulp. You see how that's better? It is better.
And that is my list. Not bad, right? I think it's pretty excellent. And its really the only thing that's going to keep me going through 2 more... TWO more semesters of grad school. Onward! To the victory!
I just thought of another list.
I was talking (gchatting - if you MUST know) to my old roomie and long time chum Nikelle, and we were naming celebrities that should just disappear. And really, we asked ourselves, why HAVEN'T they already? They just cling to flaxen cords of what once was and will never be again: their celebrityhood. So here's a list of celebs who should just disappear... forever.
1. Brooke Shields
Your time is over Brooke Shields. Shore you were awesome for awhile... a time when I was more concerned with My Little Pony and Strawberry Shortcake than with eyebrows so perhaps that just makes me young and naive rather than an excellent judge of washed up celebs. But really, you were done a decade ago. Your most current spotlight includes the brief stint between you and that loony tune Tom Crusie when he mocked your use of anti-depressants as weak and pathetic - but really - that was your last real go at celebrity continuity. You and your 80's brows need to accept you are no longer the Brook Shields of 1992, 82, or 79. Even Calvin Klein has moved on... and so should you.
2. Kiersten Dunst
Mainly because I can't stand her. You want to know the secret to her basically decent career? An excellent agent strategically selecting her movie roles. Seriously. She (i.e. the agent) chooses good roles and she appears in them. That's the secret to the Dunst empire. As for me, after Jumanji and Little Women I was over her. Though, I guess I didn't MIND her in Mona Lisa Smile only because I could openly hate her as the character everyone hates. Today though, she can disappear and I'd be happier for it.
3. Corey Feldman
Am I right? Listen, we all liked Lost Boys, adore Goonies, and will never forget Stand By Me. But Corey, pal, times up. You're done. Sean Astin was the only one to make it out of Gooonies with a legit career (though post-LOTR roles have now faded over time - I still like him). I've seen Mr. Feldman crop up in such "strait to video" favorites as Lost Boys 2 and some stints in a few reality shows. It's mainly embarrassing. Chunk went on to become a successful lawyer and a decent looking chap. Follow his lead Corey and perhaps look into a more "civilian" career.
4. Sarah Palin
5. Kate Gosselin
Listen Kate. I'll admit I was all about your drama with Jon when it all went down. The scandal! The divorce! The rumored affairs! The back-biting psychotic rampage of it all! I'd become a tabloid grocery line reader. Couldn't get enough of the Jon and Kate drama. Also, I was a big fan of Jon and Kate Plus 8 mostly because you verbally abused your sad-turned-super-tool husband consistently (cheers to American television!) but also because I was amazed at your organization and ability to care for 8 super adorable little ones. But ya know... the hype died... other drama took over such as Lindsey Lohans umpteenth missed court date and Jake The Bachelor's (circa 2009) choosing that hussy Vienna over Ally. With such riveting stories as these, Kate Gosselin became the monster of yester-year. I still see you attempting to claim some sort of legitimacy on Entertainment Tonight (I recongize the irony in that statement) or your new TLC show (soon to be flop) Kate Plus 8, and really, I think it's time for you to go quietly into the night. Disappear. Forever.
6. Brett Favre
He's old and we're over it. Wuss.
So those are some lists I've created. Do you have lists? Do you "do" lists? Well if you don't, then I will judge you to be unorganized and fickle. If you do, I'd like to know about them! Tell me of your lists! We can be list buddies. Or tell me about some celebs you wish would just disappear. There are so many out there to choose from.