Thursday, December 9, 2010

It's raining men... and some womens

If you really think of that phrase literally, it can be rather graphic. Right? aaaaaAHAHAHAHHHAH Ker SPLAT! Sick... did you see how that? A man just fell from the sky and hit the pavement right in front of us! OH! There's another! And another! It's raining men!

Luckily, we are using this phrase metaphorically. Makes you appreciate "the metaphor" a little more I expect. Honestly, I've never in my life experienced such a thing - literally or metaphorically. It rarely even sprinkles men in my neck of the dating woods. I am the Death Valley of men precipitation. However, there are a few men I wouldn't mind raining down upon me... even in the literal sense... because that would be sort of morbidly cool. There are a lot of reasons why I choose the men below - and not all them have to do with making out. Though... I wouldn't mind that either ;)

Drum Roll....

Clinton Kelly. Right? Stylish, hilarious, loooove. I'm sure we'd be the greatest of friends and who doesn't need a shopping buddy to honestly tell you "wow... you look like a packaged sausage... take that mess off!" He'd be a true friend like that. And I need me a true, hilarious, shopping, man-friend like that. Plus there wouldn't be any "DTR" pressure because he "R's" for the other team. Easy peezy.

Bob from Biggest Loser. Now that I have my wardrobe manager... I need to look gooood in them clothes. Plus Bob is hot. Right? So hot. Here's another picture in case you aren't sure of his hottness...

And of course, now that I dress well and my bodies rockin... I need some arm candy. I submit the below options:


I'd also take

Enters: Harrison Ford (below). First, Indiana Jones is my ideal fantasy man. Right? I mean, he's got the geekery and dorkness of an academic; which I'm a COMPLETE blathering SUCKER for... AND, he's still courageous, adventurous, and spontaneous with his whip snapping, woman woo'ing, Nazi-defying, ways.And check out that hat. That hat is sexy on a stick. 

Harrison Ford as Indiana Jones

Second! I'll take Harrison Ford 20 years ago or today... as in right now.  Right? Look at him. LOOK! 

But these are just the man-crushes. Naturally, I have some girl-crushes as well. All girls have girl-crushes just as all dudes (though they won't admit it generally - eye roll) have dude-crushes. I'm not ashamed of my girl-crushes and genuinely believe that the below women and I could probably be best friends. (Stalker alert!). Or at least enjoy each other's company. Discuss books, music... share clothes. Or mainly let me borrow their's... well maybe their shoes. Can't imagine Nat and I wear the same size of jeans (mumble grumble).

The classy and always stunning Scarlett J. Maybe she'd let me borrow her clothes. Don't ya think? Maybe! She's down like that. In in exchange.. I'd let her use my Gateway parking pass. Fair is fair!

And next...

I read in a magazine once - that one of Natalie Portman's favorite books was The Bell Jar, by Sylvia Plath. I was like "Nuh-uh! Me too!" And she then proceeded to quote my favorite analogy from the book about a fig tree and all the choices facing the antagonist as a woman. And the longer she waits to decide what path to take, the figs (representing her choices) shrivel and fall to the ground. Natalie and I, we could talk about books. Something I look for in all my girl-crushes.

Class. Beauty. Talent. Royal. I love Julie Andrews.
I see this as my future. Pink and pearls. That's where it's at. And I bet she has some classic shoes too I'd wear today or 40 years from today. This lady is tiiiiimeless. 

So there you have it. I'm sure there are many more men out there I'd like to hook arms with and plenty of fabulous women who would love to be friends with me with them. BUT I thought I'd just list a few and hopefully help you reminisce about the men (or women) you wouldn't mind raining down upon you. Come on... you can think of someone you wouldn't mind dropping from the sky and keeeeeeeerSPLAT! land on the pavement on your way home from work... school.. the grocery store. Why yes Matt Damon, though your leg is strangely twisted from that rather nasty fall, you MAY carry my grocery bags. Bring Johnny Depp with you - he looks like he may need me to stitch up his forehead. Siiiiigh. Every woman's dream.


David Hulet said...

Dearest Andrea Jolene:

The time has come to announce my presence as your faithful reader (blogstalker?) >.>

We have a mutual friend (who I can't remember at the moment, but I'm sure we'll figure out the connection...) and one day she showed me this hilarious post (which one and how long ago are also lost in time), and I've been reading ever since, searching for the perfect moment to "rain" into your life.

I think this post is my open invitation!

For your see, I fit into the list you proposed above. I'm pretty much the Utah version of Clinton Kelly. Maybe slightly less hot - but pretty close. And GIRLFRIEND, DO I LOVE TO SHOP!!! You + Me + Shopping = TRUE FRIENDS. I'm ready for that. I've secretly been wanting to be your friend for like evers. <.<

And while I can't fulfill ALL the requests on your list (I'm on Clinton's "R" team), I can definitely give you some.

I hereby formally submit my application to be your new BESTIE aka YOUR Clinton Kelly. Because I. Am. Fabulous. And you totally want me as your fashionably concious, well-dressed gay best friend.


Andrea Jolene said...

David! First, I'm flattered you stalk my blog! I think I have 3 readers now! Break out the bubbley!
Next, I knew there was someone out there to make all my Clinton dreams come true. You're right - timing is everything and I feel your timing is impeccable. I've thoroughly scrutinized your "application", returned the blogstalkery, and thus conclude that yes, you are my Clinton. And you know what that means: Me + You + After holiday sales = MAGIC!

jaime said...

Love, love, love your list! Especially that you put your girl crushes. I too have Hollywood girl crushes and Scarlett is on that list, but mostly cause she's married to Ryan Reynolds. Love Clinton, Bob, Johnny, & Spoc. You have good taste my friend! I wrote a Hollywood hot list about a year ago. You should check it out.

Ps- We need to find something else that gets us together now that TWD is over for the season.

David Hulet said...

Newest BFF:

Like ZOMG. I think I've been reading your bloggy blog for like. A Year. Or more. And yes, I am so incredibly wickedly jealous that your Christmas is going to be warm and luscious and yet heartbroken alongside you that your paris dreams are not to be.

But "happy day" (sung in authentic deep-south gospel) because I have arrived. And am ready to shower you with clinton-y (read: David-y) goodness!

I'm glad that you approve of my blog, please follow, as I hilarious, witty, and oh so fashionable (though I don't really post about - note to self: blog more about rainboats and other such fashionable things).

You + Me + oodles of after-holiday sales = I AM SO THERE GIRLFRIEND!!!

I will email you my digits. MUAH!

Andrea Jolene said...

Jaime - so checked out! And also - let us think of an excuse such as... hanging out. What the! Or didn't you say you wanted to set me up with Scott's brother or something. That's a good hang out excuse. Righto! Remember how TWD won't be back until Oct? Oh sadness.

David Hulet said...

So I totally just realized that I put "rainboats" which was supposed to be rainBOOTS, but apparently I was thinking raincoats at the same time and it became a rainboat. I'm so patenting that.

Andrea Jolene said...

David - patent! Patent!