The Lazy Period is at an End

When I finished my MA degree in August, I vowed that the first thing I would do was nothing. And I am happy to say – that’s exactly what I’ve been doing ever since. Now don’t get me wrong. I still went to work, worked out sometimes, ate food, and slept. I also watched Season’s 1-7 of the X-Files (seasons 8-9 are crap), read a few books, meandered around the house, went to some movies, and enjoyed the holidays. Anytime I started to feel like I should do something more; develop a talent or find a hobby, the little withered school imp in the back of my head would rasp “noooo…. Laaaaazy period…. Stiiillll… more Mulder…” It honestly didn’t take much coaxing to extend my lazy period through the end of the year.

But the end of the year has come and gone and it’s time I started being useful again. Don’t worry; it’s not like I’m begrudgingly dragging my sorry arse off the couch to finally accomplish something like laundry or organizing my shoes. It’s because I’ve rested the good rest and now want to contribute in a more meaningful way to life. It’s important to contribute. I think a lot of things can count as “contributing” so long as it doesn’t involve long periods of inactivity, slumping, and starting season 1-7 of the X-Files over again. Which I’m not. Just so you know. I'm a Downton Abbey girl now! Oh snap.

I also noticed throughout my lazy period that I finally had the ability and brain capacity to consider doing things, and even some stuff. During the undergrad, I was poor and busy. Between undergrad and grad school, I was poor and drifting. During grad school I wasn’t AS poor but way more busy. What I’m saying is, the brain power and emotional contributions of expanding outside the realm of papers and bills was all I’ve been ensconced with for the past 10 years of my life. Dash some personal distractions and barriers in there and focusing on anything else but keeping my head above water seemed ludicrous. It’s Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. You can’t focus on the next level until you’ve achieved the one below it. Picture!

I’d say in those ten years I had vacillated between safety needs and social needs... heck... sometimes between physiological needs (I was a squatter there for awhile) and safety needs. I’d like now to move on and vacillate between social needs and esteem. Not that I have low self-esteem. I think I’m hilarious and consistently  adequate to awesome. I think that’s intended to be more broadly termed; say, self improvement and progression rather than “I like myself”. Being confident in your ability to press forward and to accomplish worthy goals is more to the point in my mind. Eh? EH?!

Better Picture!!

SO!! All of those darker, busier, emtionalier (erp) things behind me… regular adult job securely in hand… I am ready to end the lazy period and start using my brain for things that I want to do because I want to do them. I’m ready for the next level!

Here’s how it’s to be done. Now listen, these are baby steps. Much like my resolutions were on lack luster side of ambitious, I must ease into this new level on my way to self-actualization if I am to not feel overwhelmed and drop into one of those lower levels again. What I’m saying is, I never over-achieve, rather, regularly achieve. I’m okay with this.

Everyone has the “thing” that they do. Ya know? There are the crafty ones, the creative ones, the cooking ones, the jump roping ones, etc.  I tried to think of the activities that I truly enjoy and would like to become better at and the most obvious one was physical health. I like to eat well, work out, and enjoy playing sports and sweating. Therefore, as part one to the end of the Lazy Period I am not only going to continue my workout regime – but increase upon it towards a goal. What is that goal?

Half Marathon.

No really. REALLY! I have the time, the energy, and the mental capacity to wrap my head around a half marathon so I’m going to do it. I’ve considered the Salt Lake Half and I know that’s probably something that needs to be decided on sooner rather than later. Here’s my issue with the Salt Lake Half. It’s in April. Which is soon. And not that I don’t have time to train, because I do, but I LOATHE running in the inversion and the cold. LOATHE it I tell you! However, in training for the SLC half running outside in the cold and yuck is inevitable. So there’s that. THUS, I’m looking for a half that’s later in the summer. I’ve considered the Timpanogos Half as it’s in July. I've also heard good things about Bryce Canyon Half.  I need to do more research, but if any of you runners out there know of a good half for a beginning half-marathoner that falls between June-October… holla at yer gurl. Haaaay.

I’d also like to attempt a sprint Triathlon.

My roommate also happens to be Wonder Woman (right?) and does Triathlons. Well, there’s a Triathlon being held in ye olde Emery County (my origins) and I’d like to give it a whirl. I can run. I can bike. I…. need to work on the swim. I know how to swim… I just don’t know how to breath properly nor have I ever done swimming for exercise/set distances. SO! Luckily having Wonder Woman as my roomie, I’ve coerced her into teaching me how to swim properly. Then! THEN! I shall sign up for the San Rafael sprint Triathlon! Go me! GO!

Next, I have decided not to eat like a disgusting person anymore. Mainly, I have a capacity for cupcakes, cookies, brownies, and all things chocolate that is likely responsible for the constant layer of chub spread over my belly. No good. Therefore, not only have I set a goal to kick refined sugar to the curb, the roomie and I (Wonder Woman… still) took our jiggly arses to Costco this week and stalked up on all type of produce and deliciousness. But it does not stop there. We then proceeded to plan out our meals this entire week. Here we are at Thursday and I am VERY pleased to announce, we’ve stuck with our food plans quite well. However, as the weekend approaches with its promise of social gatherings that involve all things evil and delicious, I must screw my courage to the sticking place and press forth! It will take stamina! It will take heart! The weekend will NOT destroy MY attempts at thwarting what I’ve now dubbed the “Andrea Fatty Girl” phase. Bring. It. On!

The last bit of ending of the lazy period attempts I’d like to share with you involves crafts. Wait, WHAT?!?! We’ve already talked about this. I’ve never been one to craft and for years I figured it was because the thought of spending hours to make or modify something when I could go to the store and buy it seemed irrational and downright ridiculous. Turns out, that wasn’t it at all. It was because I didn’t have the creative energy to spare on that delicate all be it self-satisfying hobby known as crafting. Who knew it gave one such a sense of pride? Accomplishment! Nay, self-aggrandizement! WHO KNEW! All you crafters out there knew. Psh. Thanks for sharing it with the rest of us.

Thus in honor of “the craft” I present to YOU! Mittens.

First, you'll want to find an old sweater of your own and/or find one at  the DI. I found this one at the DI.
You should then outline the mitten, making it about 2 inches "bigger" than you might otherwise think. That way, if you mess up it's easy to fix; i.e. make smaller.

I recommend sewing the mittens before cutting them out. It makes the whole process easier and less risky. Sew around your outline, then cut them out. Turn them inside out and VOILA! Easy as pie. I added the buttons from the sweater onto the mittens on my own. I must say, I'm rather proud of myself.

I got the idea from A Beautiful Mess. Check 'er out.

You will also notice I’ve taken pictures of something I’ve done. What the?! Who am I? A picture taker now? Right? RIGHT?!?! Finally ending my lazy period turns out to be one of the better decisions I’ve ever made. Suddenly, I’m a crafter who wants to run Triathlons and take pictures of crap! I have a feeling, this transformation is only just the beginning. Stay. Tuned. I will be self-actualized before you know it! 

Fly me to the moon, Newt

If there's one thing a crazy person is good for - it's inspirational cut and paste artwork. Am I right?

“Speaking to a yet another massive crowd in Cocoa Beach, on Florida’s space coast, Gingrich ditched his stump speech and offered his vision of an ambitious new space program. ”By the end of my second term,” Gingrich said, prompting the crowd to erupt in applause, “we will have the first permanent base on the moon and it will be American.”

When he was in the House, he authored a bill that would allow a lunar colony to apply for statehood once it reached 13,000 residents.

I met a gentleman in the audience who told me he had worked on Gingrich’s Congressional staff and helped with the bill, which was called a Northwest Territory Ordinance for Space.  The man told me the bill would have allowed space colonies with over 20,000 people to apply for recognition as a US territory.”

VIA

I think the scariest part of this whole thing is he may actually have a chance. Really? THIS is who we see leading the free world? A vote for Obama (or Romney, or Paul, or Santorum) is a vote AGAINST moon colonies. So think through that... think through it very carefully.

Why I don't blog like a regular blogger

So come to find, I don't blog like a regular blogger. What does that even MEAN?!?! Well, I guess it means I'm either a non-conformist or completely out of touch. I'm going with the latter on that one seeing as I'm usually the last to know anything (see: not knowing Amy Winehouse had died until a few months ago or figuring out that DIY means Do It Yourself, like, a month ago) or last to jump on already brimmingly full cultural bandwagons (see: any popular TV show in general, capri's (which I still refuse), and Twitter. I don't tweet. I don't understand the point of tweets. And I think it's weird when people say, "I read this tweet..." or "I tweeted" You... WHAT?!?! Ew.

I only noticed my irregular bloggery because I've finally (FINALLY) noticed a pattern with most bloggers I like to read/peruse. Or just most bloggers in general I suppose. I've noted before, I only follow 4 or 5 blogs fairly consistently and mostly, it's because I can endure their writing. Nay, it's because I actually ENJOY their writing. And who follows blogs because of the WRITING?? I'm going with slim to no one considering everyone thinks they're a writer and only about 5.25% actually include words in their blog entries. And abut 4.653% of THOSE can construct a meaningful paragraph... that even KNOW how to "paragraph." Yes, I just made "parapgraph" a verb; "She paragraphed as if each thought she had was transitory yet related..." If I were merely enduring what I was reading, then you can be certain I would've stopped that ridiculousness ages ago - though I'm sure still well behind everyone else who stopped enduring dangling participles and blatant neglect of the Oxford comma. I won't give it up I tell you! The flag is red, white, and blue! Not red.... .... .... whiteandblue! Shudder.

There's also the blogs I like to look at because I am inspired by their creativity (cough, Roxy Marj, cough). In fact, I will go so far as to say "dangle your participle!" because your modge-podge would have even Monet shopping for sponges. You modge podge with sponges right? These things:

Anyway...

Here are some patterns of bloggery I've noticed are fairly consistent (i.e. "regular) with most high profile-type blogs that I rarely if ever do on my own blog. Why? Most of it has to do with pure unadulterated laziness. Oh, and the narcissistic concept that all you need is my writing to enjoy my blog. Ha ha ha! Riiiiiight.

1. DIY projects (that's Do It Yourself... to the slow person). I don't think I've ever been described as "crafty." Creative perhaps. I can plan one hell of a themed party! But crafty? I've recently dipped my proverbial toe into craft-land and find I very much enjoy it. Never the less - there's no bloggery about it. It just seems to produce a useful "How-to" list complete with pictures and steps seems like doubling the work of an already painstaking craft. I MADE a Halloween banner. What more do you WANT?!? Figure it our your damn self, Sherlock. 

2. Trips. Alright -I HAVE blogged about trips and I enjoy writing about them. But they have to be rather significant trips... or really trips at all. I find a lot of bloggers discuss their recent jaunt to Trader Joe's (not in Utah, so how can I even blog about that? Huh! How?!?), or their weekend sabbatical in "insert location 20 minute away from their home town" and though I like reading about these things, I don't blog about them often. Maybe I should, "Today, I while buying Tostitos as Smith's, I saw a frozen coyote in a shopping cart." 

Aside: so that's an actual story that happened to my brother at the Price, Wal-Mart. I mean, of COURSE it happened at a Price, Wal-Mart. Maybe if I start blogging about interesting things I will tell you that story. But it is not this day.

3. Products. I don't mention products or make-ups or tasty things I've eaten and so must YOU or things I've recently tried and regretted. I probably should. I mean, for the 2 or 3 people who glance over my blog, at least they'd get an opinion about a product they've been considering from someone who has no clout. And I do want to help people! It's the philanthropist in me. Here's a start:

I like the scoops myself as it allows you to balance your salsa to chip ratio much more effectively. I'm also a pico-de-gallo fan more so than your basic salsas. I like the chunks without the runs. There's clearly a 12 year old boy joke in there somewhere. Poop allusions are funny. 

4. Pictures. And that's basically what it all boils down to. Pictures. People like to see them; and I don't ever take them. So I guess I mean "real life" pictures. That's because you can't google those, "Me eating Tostitos scoops" and get what you expected. You can, however, google "Daniel Craig is sexy" and have a myriad of options right at your finger tips. Mmmm... Daniel Craig at your fingertips. Sure, you'll get a blurry phone photo of Zooey or little Carter now and again I guess. That's as real life as I get. I think if I added real life pictures to whatever nonsense I attempt to describe, it might help me look more bloggery. But then again, I am an Ar-teest! And my art is in my writing. Why would I muddle such beauty with something as silly as pictures? I ASK YOU!

5. I also don't have kids. That's the old fail safe blog post isn't it? I've not blogged in awhile, so here, look at these 93 still shots of my kid smearing carrot puree all over his face. Riveting. That creates a nice irregular bloggery hole in my blog world I'd say. One I hope to never fill. Not because I don't want kids, cause I do, but because carrot puree makes me gag. 

6. Cooking. Do I cook? Yeah, sure I do. In fact, I've been subsisting on a vat of homemade chicken noodle soup for a solid week now. HOMEMADE! CHICKEN NOODLE! I also bake. I'd say I bake a lot. Over that same chicken noodle week I've been ceremoniously supplementing said meal with a delicious chocolate crunch brownie. But just like the crafts, I don't care to document the experience in painstaking technical writing complete with attempts at "arty-food" pictures. 

BRIGHT IDEA ALERT! AKA RIDICULOUS TANGENT!

Perhaps I could blog about the brownie making process as if the brownie were an actual character in a story. Example: 

As Hershey Cocoa rested comfortably divided evenly among 3 Tablespoons, awaiting her turn in the rotating bowl of doom that was at this moment creaming together 2 sticks of butter, 2 cups of sugar, and 1 teaspoon vanilla, she glanced over at the oven temperature and noted it read 350 degrees respectively. She usually tried not to do this as it was like looking into the furnace of her own death - but this time - she looked - along with the 1 cup flour and 4 eggs waiting in line with her. The flour glanced at her with resignation and the eggs, well, the eggs just grinned and clucked among themselves. Eggs. They were always so smug what with their white shells and gooey centers. They never even see the inevitable coming. No, they just fluff and preen and coagulate the rest of us together - patting themselves on the back for creating a sense of "community" among the other ingredients. It's not until we're all spread evenly in a greased 9x10 glass cake pan and starting to feel the sting of 25-30 minutes or until the center isn't gooey, do they start to panic.  

What do you think?... Eh?.... EH?!??!.... erp.

So that's what I DON'T blog about that makes me a not so regular blogger. What I DO blog about is contained basically to a few random trips, commentary on social issues, Zooey and/or Carter, self-reflection, life lessons, and random things I find funny, inspirational, or addicting (see: Downton Abbey... X-Files... Tostitos Multigrain Scoops). I also enjoy a good lament or rant once in awhile. 

I'm glad I figured this out - that I am not a "regular" kind of blogger. Why? Shrug. So I could irregularly blog about it. Oh snap. Did I mention I like to blog in "sass" and "irony." Yep, just made those writing genres. What of it.

Recap... Resolute... Same old same old

I can't help myself. It's the beginning of a New Year and I must make some resolutions! I usually find New Years resolutions antiquated and to be frank, pointless. Bah-humbug! It's not that I don't think setting goals isn't a valuable exercise; on the contrary. I think setting goals for yourself and then working to achieve them is a very good way to improve your life, and improve your self-esteem. I think setting goals is also an excellent way to organize and utilize "life" in its best, most efficient, and most effective form. I've just taken the magic out of accomplishment haven't I? Well I'm a rather formulaic sort of person and if you haven't learned that by now, you're not very observant! Are you? ARE YOU!?!?! YOU MORON!


Woah... just kidding. 


Anyway...


Goals good. New Years resolutions... antiquated and pointless. But never the less, here I am with the rest of you billions of suckers who have justified the past 6 months of laziness, gluttony, bad attitudes, and expired gym memberships because you might as well not start anything new, self-motivating, or good-for-you until January 1st. It's the reason we all gain 20lbs starting weeks before Halloween all the way through December 31st (Or January 1st if it lands on a weekend - am I right? You know I am) because you're so totally planning on starting that ambitious work-out regime as part of your New Years resolutions; conveniently forgetting last years same justifications which prompted the same goal-mongering only to have everything fall to shambles by mid-February. D'oh well... no point in trying again until after the holidays anyway! YOU MORON!


Woah... just kidding.


Amongst my bitter mumblings about pointless traditions, I also took the time to look back on last years resolution to see what goals I had forgotten mid-February 2011 and which ones were worth resurrecting this year for inevitable failure. But what ho? What did I find? Well my friends! I was shocked to discover that in fact, I am a picture of resolution success circa 2011! Turns out, I accomplished 99% of the resolutions I set last year! ME! I did it!!! Check it out, morons!

Resolutions from 2011 - Mostly Success!

1. Graduate - Summer 2011. You will then refer to me as Master Cox. 
Result: Success! I graduated end of summer 2011 and spent several posts thereafter referring to myself as Master Cox. Well done! Pat on the back!As an aside, I thus entered a "Lazy Period" where I refused to do most anything nor feel guilty about my slothfulness as a reward for milking my brains dry for two whole years. Needless to say, I've never been so lazy and felt so good about it. However, I can tell the "Lazy Period" is coming to a close and I'm going to have to start making something of myself soon. Boo.

2. Travel - anything that takes me outside the state of Utah... or inside the state really so's long as I haven't been there before...
Result: Success again!! In 2011 I had the privilege of going to Charleston, South Carolina as well as Portland, Canon Beach, and Astoria Oregon, and Forks, Port Angeles, and Seattle Washington. I also ate at a Texas Roadhouse! All places I'd never been before! That's two gold stars so far!

3. Eat less, exercise more. 
Result: A little from column A... and a little from column B. In fact, I'd say that I did the opposite of that until I graduated from school. August through present day, however, I have been instilling this goal into my daily routine a great deal more... well... the exercise part. The eating less part was only true because I substituted SOME cookies, brownies, cakes, and all assortments of holiday goodies for A LOT of sensible good-for-me foods. Still, half a star for both attempting to exercise while in the throes of school and then a prompt upswing in said exercise when it was over. I guess the Lazy Period was mainly brain lazy. We shan't speak of the cookies.

4. Make more money - legally
Result: Fail. I made more money but it was illegal. Oh ho ho! Just kidding. I make the same. Good thing I got a Master's degree, eh? Fist shake.

5. Turn 28 
Result: Success! Did and done did! Ha! Nothing was going to keep me from accomplishing that little goal.... even if I wanted to fail! Blasted biological certainties and their inevitability. 

6. Alright... run a half marathon. Let's give it another go. Why not?
Result: Fail. Blame = School + Lazy Period. 

7. Go to movies sometimes
Result: Success! In fact, Internet, I've seen three movies within the last... 10 days! How's the for spanking that goals blue! We're painting the roses red! We're painting the roses red! No? Ahem... proceeding.

8. Wear skirts
Result: Resounding success! Weekly... nay... almost daily. I'm a skirt girl. I set myself up for success and succeed. Double gold star and a chocolate chip cookie!

9. Chew gum
Result: Success! Check and check. Through this goal I have found my preference for Orbits Sweet Mint. Accomplishing goals opens up doors you never thought possible. 

10. Go on one date in 2011..
Result: Success! In fact, I'd say I went on a grundle (word?) of dates in 2011. See what you can accomplish if you put your mind to it? I might have even gone on TWO dates with ONE person. Shooting for the stars everyone. 


So how's THAT for being a super goal-achieving achiever of goals? Pretty stinking GOOD! In fact, I'm feeling so accomplished right now, perhaps I'll just set a bunch more goals! I will call them "Resolutions 2012!" How about that?!?! MORONS!!!!

Resolutions 2012

1. Come-up with more creative titles for my lists


2. Stop calling my Internet friend(s) morons.


3. Run that *&!%$!! half marathon or stop setting it as a goal


4. Grow my hair out to my shoulders but keep the bangs... something rather Zooey DeChanel-esque 


5. Set better goals for self-improvement than "growing my hair out"


6. Travel to a few more places I've never been. I'm loathe to name specific places as I don't like to limit my myself - but I'm going to go against my better judgement and throw Washington DC out to the universe. 


7. Work on that novel. And I mean really work on that novel. Set a writing schedule, find your happy writing place, and just do the thing!


8. Make the Summer of 2012 the most campingest, outdoorsy, non-schooled summer I've ever experienced! I'm talking perma-camp fire hair smell, ridiculously sun bespeckled cheeks, and pic after pic of me in a rustic all be it super cute hiking outfit infront of many mountains, forests, streams, canyons, and critters! (Future disclaimer: Zooey counts as a critter) 


9. Now that I've slain the Diet Coke dragon (applause! It's true... the Diet Coke and I... well... I finally broke it off for good several months ago. No regrets!), lets see if we can't nip the old Sugar Fairy in the bud too. Reduce. Reduce. Reduce.


10. End Lazy Period and do stuff


11. Come on, get happy. By happy I mean content. By content I mean grateful. And by grateful I mean humble. 


So what do you think? Pretty good list, eh? And perhaps a titch more ambitious than last year (see: Chew gum and Wear Skirts). But I'm positive I will likely succeed at most (see: half marathon doomed for failure) of these goals during the wonderous year - 2012. So just in case you were a big fat resolution failure for 2011 and were considering opting out of resoluting for 2012 like I almost did, don't be a MORON* and set a few anyway. I did.  And as some advice, DO as I did and aim low so there's really no way you can screw up. 


*As January 2nd is clearly considered part of the holiday-time and thus merely 2011 "leavins"; real life doesn't start until tomorrow and THEN will all afore mentioned goals be promptly instituted. And off we go.

Gobble it Up Little Thankfulses

Welcome back indulgent few! I hope you ate yourselves into a silly stupor like I did this weekend. Mmm… eating myself into a silly stupor… that sounds so great. SO GREAT! SO! GREAT!

Of course, I have naturally committed to a non-accomplishable goal of skipping the sugary substances until Christmas like the rest of you weak-willed pot bellied suckers. Let us be suckers together! I give it one week. Who can resist a maple cookie or ginger snap? Or anything boasting peppermint accents and warm chocolaty ANYTHING! Losers. That’s who. Do you want to be a loser? Me neither. Eat, Drink and be Merry! For in January, we'll all be a huffin and a puffin on neighbor treadmills together. Alas.

Anyway…

I thought I’d jump on the bloggery bandwagon and give you a list of “Me So Thankfuls.” Tis the season. I realize this is post-Thanksgiving and by rights, Christmas is “legally” acknowledged with the behest of Black Friday. But you know me… I like to ruminate on things and then spew it forth in my own due time… generally a little post-facto. I’d also like to get into the knitty gritty of this thankful business and really pull out some miniature gems of simple happiness that make my day to day existence worth facing. You won’t find a bunch of blather about family or friends or America or “food on my table” on THIS list! No sir-ee-bob! When I say it’s about the little things… I take it to a whole new level. Perhaps it would do you some good to really get down to the nuts and bolts of the tiniest things that you’re thankful for. Eh? Scrap the bottom of that proverbial barrel.

Me So Thankfuls List

• Word-smithery. The fact I just threw out such words as “behest,post-facto, and blather” without blinking an eye makes me very grateful for my self-proclaimed title of Word-Smith. Behest?!? Who does that?!? This guy. And I think I almost used it right too. What do you know anyway?
• The semi-colon. A fantastic grammatical tool combining two very separate yet related sentences into one. It gives my writing flow; it gives it stream of thought. You see what I did there?
• A really smooth ball point pen. None of that inky splotch sort of fancy stuff for me! I write in cursive rather exclusively (right?!?!) and a nice ball point pen makes the curve and flow of the cursive hand smooth and magical.
• Sporks. It’s a spoon, it’s a fork. Enough said.
• Washing my face at night. Oh heaven! Oh bliss! I love wiping of the days grim with a warm wash cloth and seeing my bespeckled cheeks shine through rosy and clean. I’m thankful for washcloths! I’m thankful for Clinique Face Foam! No really... I LOVE CLINQUE FACE FOAM!
• The smell of books. Yep. I’m that weirdy you saw sniffing the books in the Fiction section of Barnes and Noble. I snatch me a book, examine its bindings and coverings, hold the pages close to my nose and flip through while inhaling deeply. Sniffing a good book is almost as good as sniffing freshly copied paper. In grade school I’d sniff a newly printed assignment before beginning to tarnish it with ink and lead. Saver the smells.
• Bill Paxton – for being that “one guy… ya know… UGH! What is his name?!? He's in... stuff!” in any movie or TV show that requires some amount of talent but not a lot of face-memory. He also did a fine job in Twister.
• Bejeweled Butt Jeans. Seeing women of the 40+ age bracket sporting them reminds me that I am what they want to be without having to wear bejeweled butt jeans. I’m a 20 something.  It also gives me a false sense of superiority realizing that they are getting a false sense of superiority derived from sporting a bejeweled butt at $200 a pop. Vicious circle… but I’m grateful for it.
• Miracle Whip – oh the tangy zip!
• Dust. I like dusting! Thus, when dust besets my table tops, dressers, book shelves, and black TV stand, I skip happily to the cleaning product cupboard, selecting my Orange scented Pledge and dust rag with almost palpable ecstasy at the prospect of de-dusting my furniture to an almost sparkling newness, and proceed in a twirling Poppins-esque enthusiasm around the room, wiping as I go! Oh dust! Thank you!
• Comeuppance. I get no greater satisfaction then when weasely bad guys get their comeuppance! And it’s more so when it’s the douschy little side kick rather than the full blown villain. Grah! I can’t stand snively little sidekicks that are more annoying than they are villainy. But I like it when the villains get their’s too. Take that! 
• Mouse Glue Traps. 
• Spell Check
• All Day Marathons such as but not limited to: Lord of the Rings Trilogy presented on Encore this weekend commercial free; America's Next Top Model all day marathons on Oxygen (she suddenly realized that what had begun as a potentially productive Saturday morning had now dimmed like the 6 daylight hours that had so easily slipped by), A Christmas Story all day on TNT Christmas Eve, Harry Potter marathons a la ABC Family, and any other all day epic marathons that steal your day in a flurry of Orc battles and ring bearing! 

And there are a few things that make my life a little more worth living. What about you? What’s your Spork?

Let's talk about Halloween

Yes, it's November now. What happened to October? I ask you! It's always a little bittersweet when October ends - it being my favorite month of the year and all. But it also means other such fantastic holidays as Thanksgiving and Christmas are upon us! So it can't be all bad to have October end. PLUS! I've also been watching the Walking Dead Season 2 and that will help me keep Halloween in my heart for several months hence.

THAT said, here's some pictures of my October Shenaniganizing. That's, Shen-an-igan-iz-ing. I'm a Shenaniganizer!

Thirller! Every year for the last 4 years I've gone to Odyssey Dance Theater's production of Thriller at Kingsbury Hall. I love it. I love all the great pieces they bring back every year and I always look forward to the new ones they inevitably integrate. I also like any opportunity I get to refer to a performance, writing, or art as a "piece." Makes me so fancy. "Yes, dahling it was a moving piece... a real snapper!"

Next.

I've already discussed how October houses one of the greatest events all year - i.e. my Birthday. BUT! It also houses the SECOND greatest event of the year - All Hallows Eve! That's Halloween to the slow person. I love Halloween. I love Halloween like I love a good book or glitter or Agent Mulder. Or a glittery Agent Mulder reading a good book. Oh stop me!

Why do I love Halloween? There's probably a few reasons - some psychological... some psychotic... and others just plain obvious. Lets start with the obvious: DRESSING UP! I guess that could also fall into the realm of psychological as well. The appeal of "masking" yourself and becoming someone (or something) else for an evening is liberating. Perhaps why there is so much shenaniganizing that goes on on All Hallows Eve... the moon is full.... the ghouls are out... and everyone disregards their inhibitions in favor of some bloody make-up and nylon fairy wings. Under these disguises you can do and be whatever you want - and it may surprise you WHAT you actually do or want when you're not accountable to your own face.

Plus I really love playing with hair and make-up. I'm such a girl.

Observe:

My roomie Alex in her HOMEMADE (that is correct sir!) Robot outfit and me as the wee Tinkerbell. Guess what? Guess what??! I "made' my costume too! Right? Okay... so Alex sewed the hard part (that would be the elastic waist band for the skirt) but I, dear friends, did the "characterizing" - meaning I cut and fitted my shirt, shredded my skirt, bought the wings, and did one wickedly awesome job  fluffing and glittering my hair. It was something spectacular to behold.

Robot doing the Robot - naturally

He's white. No really, he is. I find this costume to be the most "social experiment" worthy as I was very much reminded of the novel Black Like Me by John Howard Griffin. John is a white man who essentially becomes "black" as a social experiment. He artificially darkens his skin in an attempt to understand what it was like being a black man in the Southern United States in 1959. I'm curious how such an experience would be different (or the same) now. As for Eric's costume - it just looks AWESOME!

We are SPARTANS!

Us again? Well we look so stinking good!

Thinking Happy Thoughts! Example: I hope I don't break my ankle attempting to get this flying picture.

Who is the man under the full body suit? No one KNOWS!

Boobs.

We asked Lance what the video would be when we pushed Play. I think we ruined the ride with that question. His expression said, "Isn't this awesomely creative costume enough?" No, Lance. We want you to dance. Dance monkey!

Zooey also attempted to get in on the fun. She got a little carried away with the webbing. Silly Zooey.

So there you have it. A little this and that about why I love Halloween and mostly - a picture heavy post showing off some of this years best! Halloween comes but once a year, and it's important to do it well and do it right. I think we managed both.

Conspiracy Theory in Green Velvet

Because my writing inspiration tank is chugging on fumes... I can't promise any mind-altering posts in the near future. I mean because my posts usually are, you know, mind-altering. Why not? You might ask.  Is it because I've started watching the X-Files start to finish (currently on Season 4 episode 4!) and now my mind is more consumed with debunking government conspiracies rather than reflecting on life's this and that's? Is it because I've started reading novels again and my creative juices seem lack-luster compared with talent of legitimate novelists? Is it because I feel overwhelmed at the amount of time and creativity folks devote to their blogs that makes mine look amateurish and dull? IS IT??!??!?

Maybe...

It's mostly the X-Files though. I see conspiracy everywhere these days. Example: I was contemplating last night upon the movie Contagion. Have you seen it? Well, you should cause it will freak your socks off. It freaked me out a little bit - just because disease spreading seems much more diabolical than nuclear war in my mind. I'd rather risk being vaporized than pustuleized. Apparently all my disease fears center on pustules. This post is self-reflective after all. Things transported easily by air or touch strikes fear in my soul simply because it's an invisible enemy. You can't see it riding on someone's shoulder posed to leap... it just smoothly jumps from them to you in a swift natural movement and before you know it... a handshake becomes the kiss of death. At least the nuclear bomb has the decency to whistle and explode into a mushroom cloud before melting your face off. It's just plain common decency. I'd like to know when death is knocking.

Anyway...

I was contemplating Contagion last night and got to thinking... this sure is interesting timing to release such a movie, isn't it? I mean THINK about it. Flu season is upon us... the movie specifically mentions such recent epidemics as H1N1 (pig flu), bird flu, and other such sicknesses they've had to boil up a vaccine for. They liken those epidemics with this pig/bat/brain melting sickness that sweeps over the entire earth in a matter of months - wiping out millions. It's the black death of 2011! So I found the timing very interesting... almost TOO interesting. Releasing such a film when people are starting to prepare their immune system for "flu season" and on the hunt for vaccinations of all sorts.

I then thought it interesting they paint the CDC and other governmental bureaucrats as the do-gooders trying their best to save the good people of planet earth; meanwhile contending with the loony conspiracy theorist (Jude Law) utilizing social media to elicit a following that ultimately turns out to be self-serving and downright ludicrous. Isn't THAT interesting? ISN'T IT?!?! AND! It's ALSO interesting that the government ends up finding said anti-dote because they contract their services to a private firm in San Francisco. What the political underpinnings! What the economic allusion to contracting government services for the most quality product!

And FURTHERMORE! You've guaranteed that most people in the USofA will see this movie given it's plethora of legitimate A-list stars gracing the credits: Matt Damon, Gwenyth Paltrow, Kate Winslet (adore), Marian Cotillard (also adore), Laurence Fishburn, Jude Law, and a dozen other recognizables commonly supported by the general populous. I mean, right?!??!

It all adds UP!?!??!

The government is about to release a wide-spread brain melting epidemic that is transmitted by mere touch alone and then will swoop in with the anti-dote after the world's population has been reduced by MILLIONS there-by solidifying our blinding faith in their administrative oversight so we will never question their authority AGAIN!

OR!

They are making sure that every citizen in the world gets a flu vaccination which is actually not a vaccination at all but in fact, the next bubonic plague and once all of America has been subconsciously influenced by the movie Contagion to get their vaccinations and start dying en masse the government will "miraculously" come up with the anti-dote and ONLY make it available to those who support and are a part of the GOVERNMENTS HEALTH CARE POLICY! Thus, socialism takes over the WORLD!

OR!

They (i.e. the GOVERNMENT) are preparing the world for an alien invasion and therefore, to avoid mass hysteria will utilize this movie to subconsciously plant "go get a flu vaccination" into our minds which really turns out to be a genetic marker that will make every human who is injected either an alien-human hybrid making those who receive the injection immune to the poisons the invading aliens will strategically infect the entire human race in preparation for colonization OR, causing the OPPOSITE effect and slowly killing off humans in preparation for the alien invasion. Thus leaders must strike a deal with the alien invaders that allows them to live and rule alongside this new world colony all the while secretly concocting an anti-dote to the poisonous injection that was ROUTINELY administered through seasonal FLU VACCINATIONS thus allowing government leaders to save themselves and hand select others to receive this immunity OR selling it to the highest bidder! Power! Money! Intrigue! Colonization!

It's a conspiracy I tell you!!!! WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!

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Seriously though, I am interested to see the upswing of flu shot vaccinations this year compared with last year in correlation with the release of the movie. Right? I mean what a great study on the influence of media... adding irony to the thick of things by integrating the Jude Law story line and alluding to how easily the masses are swayed by Facebook, twitter, Hollywood... and the nightly ritual of watching an X-Files episode that may lead to gross paranoia and exuberant exaggeration.... erp.... wait...

So you can see why my mind has been occupied elsewhere.

I'd also like you to know, I started this post with the intent of bagging on velvet. Yeah, it makes no sense what-so-ever... velvet and that my original inspiration for this post was to mock it. I think the post started out with the intent of my lacking so much creative writing juice that I'd reduced myself to analyzing synthetic materials. It turned into a conspiracy rant instead. But really, velvet? What a strange material! I think velvet should be used to line coffins and draped across sorceresses (sorceressi?) or fortune tellers and not worn by the average person to any event at all... no... not even Christmas events. Clearly Halloween is acceptable as velvet is rather costumey. But that's it! I also find it a very creepy sort of texture that makes me think of black lights and musky scents... like a thick amber vanilla incense. Though, I guess my dislike of velvet lies more within the "all over" velvet rather than just a hint of it here or there - on a bow, or the top half of a fancy dress vs. an entire dress constructed out of the stuff.

It's still a very weird texture to me and I always question the wearing of it in any sense outside of a theatrical production or... Transylvania... or... over the age of 8. Ya know how little girls Christmas dresses always have some velvet involved. We can let that slide...

So here's the moral of this post: Really think about that flu vaccine and notice if those administering it are dressed all in black and using a lot of acronyms... and save the velvet for Halloween.  I've also learned that I'm my most eccentric at my least-creative.

I think we've done some good work here. Keep Calm... Carry On.