Monday, January 2, 2012

Recap... Resolute... Same old same old

I can't help myself. It's the beginning of a New Year and I must make some resolutions! I usually find New Years resolutions antiquated and to be frank, pointless. Bah-humbug! It's not that I don't think setting goals isn't a valuable exercise; on the contrary. I think setting goals for yourself and then working to achieve them is a very good way to improve your life, and improve your self-esteem. I think setting goals is also an excellent way to organize and utilize "life" in its best, most efficient, and most effective form. I've just taken the magic out of accomplishment haven't I? Well I'm a rather formulaic sort of person and if you haven't learned that by now, you're not very observant! Are you? ARE YOU!?!?! YOU MORON!

Woah... just kidding. 


Goals good. New Years resolutions... antiquated and pointless. But never the less, here I am with the rest of you billions of suckers who have justified the past 6 months of laziness, gluttony, bad attitudes, and expired gym memberships because you might as well not start anything new, self-motivating, or good-for-you until January 1st. It's the reason we all gain 20lbs starting weeks before Halloween all the way through December 31st (Or January 1st if it lands on a weekend - am I right? You know I am) because you're so totally planning on starting that ambitious work-out regime as part of your New Years resolutions; conveniently forgetting last years same justifications which prompted the same goal-mongering only to have everything fall to shambles by mid-February. D'oh well... no point in trying again until after the holidays anyway! YOU MORON!

Woah... just kidding.

Amongst my bitter mumblings about pointless traditions, I also took the time to look back on last years resolution to see what goals I had forgotten mid-February 2011 and which ones were worth resurrecting this year for inevitable failure. But what ho? What did I find? Well my friends! I was shocked to discover that in fact, I am a picture of resolution success circa 2011! Turns out, I accomplished 99% of the resolutions I set last year! ME! I did it!!! Check it out, morons!

Resolutions from 2011 - Mostly Success!
1. Graduate - Summer 2011. You will then refer to me as Master Cox
Result: Success! I graduated end of summer 2011 and spent several posts thereafter referring to myself as Master Cox. Well done! Pat on the back!As an aside, I thus entered a "Lazy Period" where I refused to do most anything nor feel guilty about my slothfulness as a reward for milking my brains dry for two whole years. Needless to say, I've never been so lazy and felt so good about it. However, I can tell the "Lazy Period" is coming to a close and I'm going to have to start making something of myself soon. Boo.

2. Travel - anything that takes me outside the state of Utah... or inside the state really so's long as I haven't been there before...

Result: Success again!! In 2011 I had the privilege of going to Charleston, South Carolina as well as Portland, Canon Beach, and Astoria Oregon, and Forks, Port Angeles, and Seattle Washington. I also ate at a Texas Roadhouse! All places I'd never been before! That's two gold stars so far!

3. Eat less, exercise more. 

Result: A little from column A... and a little from column B. In fact, I'd say that I did the opposite of that until I graduated from school. August through present day, however, I have been instilling this goal into my daily routine a great deal more... well... the exercise part. The eating less part was only true because I substituted SOME cookies, brownies, cakes, and all assortments of holiday goodies for A LOT of sensible good-for-me foods. Still, half a star for both attempting to exercise while in the throes of school and then a prompt upswing in said exercise when it was over. I guess the Lazy Period was mainly brain lazy. We shan't speak of the cookies.

4. Make more money - legally

Result: Fail. I made more money but it was illegal. Oh ho ho! Just kidding. I make the same. Good thing I got a Master's degree, eh? Fist shake.

5. Turn 28 

Result: Success! Did and done did! Ha! Nothing was going to keep me from accomplishing that little goal.... even if I wanted to fail! Blasted biological certainties and their inevitability. 

6. Alright... run a half marathon. Let's give it another go. Why not?

Result: Fail. Blame = School + Lazy Period. 

7. Go to movies sometimes

Result: Success! In fact, Internet, I've seen three movies within the last... 10 days! How's the for spanking that goals blue! We're painting the roses red! We're painting the roses red! No? Ahem... proceeding.

8. Wear skirts

Result: Resounding success! Weekly... nay... almost daily. I'm a skirt girl. I set myself up for success and succeed. Double gold star and a chocolate chip cookie!

9. Chew gum

Result: Success! Check and check. Through this goal I have found my preference for Orbits Sweet Mint. Accomplishing goals opens up doors you never thought possible. 

10. Go on one date in 2011..

Result: Success! In fact, I'd say I went on a grundle (word?) of dates in 2011. See what you can accomplish if you put your mind to it? I might have even gone on TWO dates with ONE person. Shooting for the stars everyone. 

So how's THAT for being a super goal-achieving achiever of goals? Pretty stinking GOOD! In fact, I'm feeling so accomplished right now, perhaps I'll just set a bunch more goals! I will call them "Resolutions 2012!" How about that?!?! MORONS!!!!

Resolutions 2012
1. Come-up with more creative titles for my lists

2. Stop calling my Internet friend(s) morons.

3. Run that *&!%$!! half marathon or stop setting it as a goal

4. Grow my hair out to my shoulders but keep the bangs... something rather Zooey DeChanel-esque 

5. Set better goals for self-improvement than "growing my hair out"

6. Travel to a few more places I've never been. I'm loathe to name specific places as I don't like to limit my myself - but I'm going to go against my better judgement and throw Washington DC out to the universe. 

7. Work on that novel. And I mean really work on that novel. Set a writing schedule, find your happy writing place, and just do the thing!

8. Make the Summer of 2012 the most campingest, outdoorsy, non-schooled summer I've ever experienced! I'm talking perma-camp fire hair smell, ridiculously sun bespeckled cheeks, and pic after pic of me in a rustic all be it super cute hiking outfit infront of many mountains, forests, streams, canyons, and critters! (Future disclaimer: Zooey counts as a critter) 

9. Now that I've slain the Diet Coke dragon (applause! It's true... the Diet Coke and I... well... I finally broke it off for good several months ago. No regrets!), lets see if we can't nip the old Sugar Fairy in the bud too. Reduce. Reduce. Reduce.

10. End Lazy Period and do stuff

11. Come on, get happy. By happy I mean content. By content I mean grateful. And by grateful I mean humble. 

So what do you think? Pretty good list, eh? And perhaps a titch more ambitious than last year (see: Chew gum and Wear Skirts). But I'm positive I will likely succeed at most (see: half marathon doomed for failure) of these goals during the wonderous year - 2012. So just in case you were a big fat resolution failure for 2011 and were considering opting out of resoluting for 2012 like I almost did, don't be a MORON* and set a few anyway. I did.  And as some advice, DO as I did and aim low so there's really no way you can screw up. 

*As January 2nd is clearly considered part of the holiday-time and thus merely 2011 "leavins"; real life doesn't start until tomorrow and THEN will all afore mentioned goals be promptly instituted. And off we go.


Michele said...

Wow! Nice work on your 2011 resolutions -especially the Masters Degree and the traveling! I love your 2012 list!

Jaime Van Hoose Steele said...

Good work on 2011 and I feel good things in store for you in 2012 you moron! I need to start working on my years goals. I don't recall setting any for last year...guess I opted out.

Stacy said...

What half marathon do you plan to do? Salt Lake? I'm thinking of doing that one this year. It does appear to be a day after my birthday in April though. Debbie Downer. There is one in Provo and one in Ogden in May and a bunch of others throughout the summer. I would be down for some half marathonage.

Andrea Jolene said...

Stacy! I was thinking the Salt Lake but I really dislike the idea of having to do a bulk of my training outside in the winter. Shudder. So I was going to try and find one in late summer... like August so I can enjoy running outside all summer long! Lets do some research and pick one! A buddy will keep me focused!

Marisa Jean said...

I swear you had one that was to sew something for last year. Maybe my memory bites. I fully support your goals and love the travel somewhere new one. I think I'll add that to my list.

Andrea Jolene said...

Marisa - you know what's funny? I totally thought I had a "sew something" goal TOO! Weird. Maybe it was like... "goals for July because I'm bored" or something. Shrug.