Friday, March 30, 2012

A Few Things I’ve Never Done or Experienced that Make People Go WHA?!?!

The list commences:

1.   Eaten one of those Granny cookies with pink frosting. And actually, once I realized this I decided to take a bite of one. Turns out, I could've continued never having one and still lived a very happy, long life. A life with one less reason to say "ick... huhhuu"

2.   Been to Lake Powell - not like I don't want to go. I've just never stumbled upon the opportunity (see: friends with boats who have invited me... losers)

3.    Gone Skiing (A specific "and-you-live-in-Utah?" Wha?!?!)

4.   Drank an ounce of alcohol

5.   Been in love  - nope not ever. I think I loved someone once, but I’ve never been an "we're IN love” relationship. In fact, I've only had a "possibly mutually liking eachother's company" relationship... 1.5 times. And the 1 lasted about 3 months... if I'm being generous. C'est la vie... c'est l'amore... or pas l'amore. Zut! It's okay... I don't mind waiting for Indiana Jones to swing in on his proverbial whip. At least... that better be the reason!

6.   Watched a single episode of Family Guy

7.   Never been into nor cared about “Friends” as in the TV show – not as in comrade, chum, confident, ally, buddy, or pal.

8.   Been to the Great Salt Lake (Another specific "and-you-live-in-Utah?" Wha?!?!) Though I hope to this summer. It's just that every time I suggest we go, my friends (you know the ones without boats) lament, "Why? It's nothing special... meh meh meh." Losers.

9.   Read a word of Jane Austen. This is generally followed by the exclamation, "And you're an English major!?" I didn't realize English majoring clout was so intricately connected with Ms Austen. Turns out all clout is completely lost regardless of the OTHER stacks of novels I have devoured and can unfailingly comprehend. One day... I'll get to her. Promise.

10.   Liked Cheesecake. I don’t like it. And not only because it makes my intolerant tummy hurt, but because I don’t think it’s good. Wha?!?!
11. Gotten the flu since... uh... winter... 2004. (I threw that one in there to make you all jealous of my super human immune system. Yes... even to the point of tempting karma and speaking such things out loud. I ain't scared!)
12. Tweeted. I don't get it.
13. Uttered the "eff" word. Terrible word!

So, what have you never done or experienced that make people act like you’ve just crashed your offensive spaceship into a pool full of their personal hopes and dreams and then had the audacity to ask them, “Do you know what a “Facebook” is?”
I've met a few people who have ignited such shocking response from yours truly by uttering "I never have..." [insert something ridiculously common and obviously experienced by all other human beings if they care to continue being called human beings].

Example:
1. I've never seen Star Wars...

... to which I respond, "Are you even American? Away with you!" 

Losers.


2 comments:

Jessica said...

Hey, I was wondering, do you maybe want to go to the Great Salt Lake this summer? Or Lake Powell? We could maybe watch an episode of Family Guy, or read a chapter of a Jane Austen novel...I heard they are both amazing. They we could Tweet about it afterwards!!! (These are all things I've never done either...if you didn't catch on).

Andrea Jolene said...

I caught it! SOunds like this summer is going to be one of bran new experiences for us both. How very special.