Head Explosion

Have you ever had one of those days? The ones where you feel 100% like your being sauteed in the fiery depths of Hell in body, mind, spirit, and heart? I mean we all have them right? Those days where you want to sprint head first into a wall - or lob yourself out of your third story plexi-glass window - or perhaps launch under the bus that passes by 9th East and 3rd South at 5:55AM on the nose (yes I know this because I am on my way to WORK at that time 3 days a week). We all have these.

WELL! Have you ever had an entire month of these days? At least 30 consecutive "these days" placed right in a row? Or perhaps, to be a little more realistic, say 5 days of body hurt, 10 days of mind hurt, 6 days of Spirit hurt, maybe some combinations like - 8 days of heart/mind hurt - then 2 days of body/mind hurt. ..then just a really really bad spirit day hurt (I don't know if that adds up - but ah well). Do you feel me on this? Where as most of these combinations occur on one of those "days" or maybe even, one of those "weeks" - has it ever happened for an entire MONTH? I can usually handle these days in stride - facing tomorrow and letting the bad day just lay itself out. But an ENTIRE MONTH? Then you finally reach THE day of the bad month - the crux - the climax - the white pimple head - where it all combo's into one big horrible head exploding day where you want to cry at work , but can't because well..come on it's WORK (and I gotta be strong for my little employees), lay under your desk and rock because your body just aches, and watch the clock in angst - just praying to go home and let the hurt seep into your Hillary Clinton Biography (really excellent by the way) and your big cushy couch. Then add your mind hurt - just trying to figure out what bills are due when and if you'll have the funds, arguing with your jackarse of a condo manager about replacing your garbage can because some garbage maniac stole it (I think it's the "hill-people" who squat in the vacant fields near my complex) and your garage smells like a twice-dead skunk family, and thinking about my "just sold" laptop and how much I miss it's comforting glow and convenience already. Of course what head explosion day would be complete without the personal and emotional hurts of feeling a little forgotten, ignored, and "nicely" abandoned. The kind you PROMISED yourself you'd never fall into again. Yeah - that kinda.

Sigh- I guess what I'm saying is it has been a pretty shi**y month that has culminated into a pretty shi**y day, and I'd love to go home and have the apt be clean (sigh...there are dishes waiting I know it), the condo be warm (its usually frigid regardless of outside weather), dinner be prepared (I don't care if it's my favorite Wendys meal or something lovingly made by some dear soul I don't think exists anymore), then my soft pj's and cozy kitty blanket (that's right KITTY BLANKET) presented to me when I'm finished eating so I can lie down on their lap (the presenter - not the kitty's - I'm not that lost...yet), they can stroke my weary brow (how dramatic - and just lovely sounding), call me Princess, and read my Hillary Clinton Biography out loud as a interject comments and we have a nice conversation about the political state of the world, the incompetence of inner-city educational programs in the US, and how great Natalie Portman is in all the roles I've seen her in. Is that so much to ask (going back to re-read demands)....maybe just a little - but that's what I want to even come close to assuaging at least this ONE day, out of a month of days, from Hell. However...I may just have to settle for going to sleep early... (scheduling carpet cleaners for tomorrow morning to mop up head explosion debris).