Lila and the Curious Case of the Wall-Poo

I would like you to look at a picture:
Do you see those little brown blotches on the upper corner of my wall? Here, let me zoom.

Do you see now? Do you see those little brown patches and smear of what seems to be... could it be?
YES IT IS! It's poop! Cat! Poop! And HOW - might you be wondering at this moment - did little cat poops happen to find themselves almost 6 feet up my wall? WELL! I've asked myself that EXACT same question over the last few days.

Picture if you will, a lovely evening at home vegging in front of the tube. It's been a time since you just sat for a hour in your apt mulling over what current media has devised to entertain you. I believe I was watching something like, "America's Got Talent" when I started to smell a smell of what my roomie and I have deemed "atomic poo." Lila, bless her furry little heart, once in a great while, produces an atomic poo. This poo is so rancid, so fraught with death and destruction, one wouldn't be surprised to witness tangible green fumes rising out of her litter box to poison all who come within 3 blocks of our apartment building. It's that strong. Happily this does not happen often and I'm not sure what changes that makes her "atomic poo" every couple of months. All I know is she does and oh my, it's the kiss of death.

SO! Back to the wall-poo. I start to smell the atomic smell and begrudgingly get up to scoop the offender from the box and take it directly outside. I get under the sink and grab her designated poop bags, grab the scoop, and walk towards her box. Upon arriving at her box, I notice something glistening on the ground just outside her box on the carpet. Yes. It is a piece of atomic poo. On the carpet. WHAT? Sigh. I figured she must've been a little sicky in the tummy and had an accidental escapee before making it to her box. We can all empathize right? Right? Ahem. So I scoop that and wipe it down with a Clorox wipe first... all the while trying not to breath... at all... for fear of retching at what now is starting to feel like toxic gas wafting into my nostrils. I then turn my attention to the box. And... sift around with the scoop a bit. Huh. Nothing. I had JUST cleaned her box not 2 hours before anyway, so there wasn't any "leftovers" and... no atomic poo. Could that tiny little carpet squirt have been the only culprit? That's a serious smell for one squirt.

As you know... this was not the case. I stand up, glance up (for no reason then to glance) and see those two offending poos happily sitting almost 6 feet up on the wall. My jaw hit the ground in unbelief. Immediatly I start going through every possible scenario in my head. If you look at the pics carefully, you will notice there are no pieces of furniture high enough for her to climb and subsequently butt-squirt. There's nothing she could have done, in this world of gravity and logic, to have put her poo on that wall. Unless of course (theory #1), she began by jumping from the back of our couch located a solid 4 feet away from her box, stopped mid-air, turned about so her furry butt was facing the wall, squirted, THEN (here comes the REALLY weird part) turned back around facing the wall, turned the corner inside the closet frame, did another 180, squirted TWO MORE atomic poos around the CORNER 6 feet up on the wall (true story), and subsequently land strait into her box. Uh-huh. Weird.

So... there's THAT impossible possibility, OR there's this (theory #2). Do you see the "tail-end" of the framed picture seen in the above picture #1. Do you see the latter half of a framed white cat with its tail sticking up? WELL! The wall-cat could've launched that poo nicely onto the wall. Could have! It's got the angle. Yes, I am aware it's a picture, but that would only leave me to accept theory #3.



Theory #3: I have a phantom poo'ing cat living in my apartment. Clearly ghost-cats could float in the air and pretty much do anything a human ghost can do. And if a ghost-cat wanted to poop on the wall (or take REAL poops from a litter box and place them on the wall as ghost-cats would logically have ghost-poo), they totally could! There's more evidence to support my theory of having a ghost-cat. A week prior, I was fluffing in the bathroom and Nik was in her bedroom, and we suddenly hear this CRASH! BREAK! I come out to the main area to see what it was, and a vase had fallen from the top of our bookshelf and landed with amazing accuracy on the bottom edge of the bookshelf, smashing it to pieces. Why is this weird? WELL! As I glanced up the bookshelf to see which book had fallen over and knocked that vase to the ground (aka "the reasonable explanation), no book had fallen. All was in its right place. I know the vase had been pushed towards the "middle" of the shelf and thus well away from the edge (clearly to prevent such a happening). And yet... ahem. We of course chose to ignore this instance, picked up the pieces, and never spoke of it again. Until... the curious case of the Wall-Poo. Given these two happenings, I feel a ghost-cat is the more reasonable explanation than having an embodied poo-flinging super-cat flying around my apartment squirting walls with her butt. Honestly, if you have anything else by way of reasonable suggestions - please - by ALL means. In the meantime, I maintain that we have a phantom-cat living in our apt. Though, I'm still going to choose to ignore these two instances and never speak of it again. If you ignore it, it goes away. Right? Right. Scooped. Wiped. Trashed. Forgotten. So let it be written...