Friday, January 15, 2010

Online Dating Update - How texting FAILS

Well, I suppose it's time to update the online dating saga. There hasn't been much to make note of - not even exceptionally ridiculous tools to mock. I mean the entertainment is half the fun, right? There never ceases to be the occasional creeper though (57 year olds sending me "You're Beautiful" flirts... ick).

There are a few things I've noticed the last couple weeks however (and this may be just because I'm in a "meh, I don't care at the moment" mood). All the dudes on this thing are... the same. Do you know what I mean? It's like, if I've read one profile I've read them all. They all like fun (which one day I want to send a message to one of them and say "I hate fun! Fun sucks! I don't get what the big deal is about fun!"), they all play some variation of the same 3 sports, they all like to listen to music (again... is there someone out there that truly hates music?) and they are all looking for someone "fun". Again, the fun. They describe all their regular dude qualities that most dudes share. These are fine - but I already know that. I know about regular dude things. It's like girls saying "I like shoes." No kidding. It's these 'no kidding' details that have created some apathy for me towards the online dating search. They truly all follow the same basic patterns with little variation or insight. Of course to be fair, I don't expect to know someones inner most desires or discover their endearing quirks through a few lines on an online dating site, but truly (and perhaps snobbishly), I've already become rather bored with the process and even more unimpressed with the options. No one sticks out. So... there's that.

Oh, and the TEXTING. Ugh. I mean we're already e-dating, can't we have one form of non entirely "e" communication? I've also discovered that about 75% of those that e-date, will naturally e-do everything else. "E" doing things is convenient and easy - but doesn't that take away the depth of the interaction to an extent. I mean sure e-invite for a Rock Band Party - but would you e-tell your parents you've decided to quit your sensible job to move to Guam and study squid fish? No... well, maybe. ;)

Another real life example: I've been emailing this dude a little bit and he makes the "we should hang out sometime" transition. Alright, why not? Seems like a nice stable guy. I sent my number on over and said "Yeah sure. Let me know." Well... last night he texted me. Oy. I've come to really hate texting as far as an acceptable dating procedure. I really do. This supports my issue with lack of organic interaction with people - there's no sincere connection - no meaning. Even a voice carried on satellite waves to my ear is more real than some texted words. Plus, I find texting to ask someone out lame and cowardly (come on dudes... be MEN! Just call! What could happen? Back in the day, dudes had to go over to a girls house and ask permission of their gun-toting, hay-bailing, father to "call on Jenny" and then come back later and meet the whole fam before going to the barn dance. Dudes got it EASY with a phone call).

So I was already put off a bit with the "Hey. How's it going. Do you want to hang out still?" text but further put off by "Cool... when do you want to go out?" and then downright uninterested, because it was clear I was going to have to plan out these details and he had absolutely nothing in mind. Siiiiiigh. Really, I do ask two things of dudes (and tell me if this is completely unreasonable) - they call, and they plan it (Elder Oaks agrees with me I MIGHT add). Nothing extravagant of course (as Utah daters have clear issues with these crazy weird dates... I just want an hour lunch at Jason's Deli or a nice walk through memory grove) Or at LEAST have a DAY in mind - a FEW days to suggest! This texty-man had me give day options and pretty much "be the man" in the scenario. I really want to be the girl when I date. Is that so much to ask? As I am, in fact, a girl? If he wants to do something with me, shouldn't he have something in mind? I don't want to plan it. It's his deal. I guess if he doesn't have to call and plan - I don't have to be available or bath right? That's the trade off I think. Girls try and accomodate and spend time looking cute, so dude will call and ask her out, and she will be cute when he comes to get her. Shrug. Makes sense to me. But then again, I've been single my whole life save about 3 months two years ago. True.

Anyway... I'll go out with him, but I kinda don't want to because of the texting first and me having to take the lead on the whole thing. I know I know, give it a chance, blah blah blah, and I will. That's why I'm going -even if I don't really want to. That's not to say there aren't guys on there I wouldn't mind going out with - or honestly - guys I've actually MET I'd like to go out with - but those guys never ask. Oh the wo's and ironies of dating. Am I right my friends? The ones you'd LOVE to go out with never ask. I've gone out twice, TWICE, with someone I've really wanted to go out with. It just doesn't seem right...

And the beat goes on...

9 comments:

(light) Black And Decker said...

I have to say I agree with you that that guy is pretty lame with his asking-out skills. I think a lot of people have reverted to less-than great social skills, especially when it comes to members of the opposite sex. However....that seems to be the game to be played now. Dating has evolved for our generation, and if you hope to succeed you must play along. You never mentioned in your post, but girls need to bring a little more to the table than just smelling good and looking good. Because girls expect that of the guy too. It's kind of a society expectation. Dating can be thought of as a pre-marriage trial. Everything you explained in this post is pointing you towards being the perfect "trophy wife." Guys, or at least decent guys, expect more in a girl. Also, don't be afraid to expand your concepts of social norms! Put yourself on the line every once in awhile. Even though it still seems a little weird, most guys don't mind if you are the one to ask them out! And in fact, many find it a welcome relief.
Just some thoughts. Guys are scared little girls these days compared to our parents' generation.
Just remember, Snow White struck out with 7 guys before she found her Prince Charming!

Andrea Jolene said...

Gina - I enjoy your wise words. Yes, the games must always be played (as much as a loathe them) and I like your thoughts about taking a chance. This year, I've tried to be a little more 'outside my zone' because really, what have I got to lose? Truuuuuue dat.

Marisa Jean said...

Two things. My husband is the epitomy of terrible date-planner, but a fantastic man. Sometimes the bad (he can't even do the one hour Jason's Deli without me planning it) is outweighed by other good characteristics. And this is coming from someone who would have NEVER gone out with someone like that until it was the right guy...so you never know.

Secondly, I never did, nor will I ever understand the text-conversation/text relationships that are carried on today. They drive me nutty. God gave us voices and bodies for a reason. Sending an address, or saying I'm going to be late, that's one thing, but full-fledged conversations...just wrong. I typically used to say "Um, I'm not a big texter, so just call me around ____ and _____ time on one of these days and we'll plan it from there." If he couldn't do that, I knew he wasn't for me.

Good luck, and remember, maybe there's one guy out there who feels the same way about all the female profiles they've looked at. They just need time to find you! :)

Marisa Jean said...

And something else, you don't have to play stupid games just to get a date. You don't want to be classless in more than one way, do you? He he...

Kristin said...

I agree, texting is totally lame. You just gotta let these guys know that just won't cut it. Give them a chance to step up or step out. Sometimes i think they take the easy road because so many girls just let them.

Anyways - good luck, Prince Charming is out there somewhere :)

Kristin

Andrea Jolene said...

I toooootally agree Kristin. How are they supposed to know what's acceptable and what's... less than appealing if we don't tell them. Yep. True.

Just a thought... said...

Remember when I said I would hook you up with my 30 year old son ...only he was too busy to actually date? Well he may have some free time coming up since he just broke his leg (in two places) on his 3rd jump for Airborne certification! He's at a hospital in Fort Benning (Georgia) recuperating from surgery. Yikes!

Andrea Jolene said...

Just a thought - WOW! That's too bad! And too bad he's in Georgia... as I am still in Utah. Yep. HA.

Just a thought... said...

I know, I know! He may get to come home to Texas to recuperate when he gets out of the hospital, though maybe we should send him up to his grandparents house instead ...they live in Utah!!! For now, he's still in a lot of pain and learning how to get around on crutches.