Friday, January 30, 2009

I want to be amazing like other people

When I handed my license and boarding ticket to the security fellow at the St. George Muncipal airport Wednesday he glanced at it, said "Oh!" quickly looked at me, then down at my license again breathing, "Ohhhhh…" and said, "Andrea Jolene….Angelina Jolie….that was pretty close! I was going to ask you for an autograph!" You should know I'm 5'1, with brownish hair, greenish eyes, and not even remotely Angelina in lips or chest. Not to mention the absence of beautiful for life Brad Pitt attachment or clinging ethnic children I've adopted from third world countries. It was still probably one of the best moments of my life. Though upon inspecting me he realized I was not even remotely an exotic high profile celeb (because flying from a Muncipal airport in St. George Utah wasn't tip off enough), I was still ALMOST mistaken for Angelina Jolie. How many people can say that? Its moments like these that create sunshine in my life.

I was also informed by a friend a la Provo that an ex-b/f of mine was voted most eligible Bachelor of BYU Law School. Wow. Not bad. I dated the most eligible bachelor at BYU Law School. Not bad at all. I mean – did you know that back in the day one Steve Young was voted the most eligible bachelor of BYU Law School? I didn't either – but someone told me that and I chose to believe it. So really – I kinda dated Steve Young. Thus I was kinda dumped by Steve Young too. Hm. Still, not bad either, and a great t-shirt logo to boot: "I was kinda dumped by Steve Young." The ex could wear one that says "I am kinda Steve Young." It's still positive even being dumped by "Steve Young." It's like saying "Oh yeah I dated Brad Pitt for awhile even though he dumped me." Well hey! At least you dated him! And lets be honest – being not really at all mistaken for Angelina Jolie is pretty much like almost not even remotely dating Steve Young. Wait a minute! What this really boils down to then is this (try and keep up with the logic – it's going to get sketchy) – as of Wednesday evening I almost dated Brad Pitt. Think about it! Look how things can work to our advantage if we really delude them. Yet another thing that brings sunshine in my life – delusions.

Truth is though, I'm not that amazing. Not because I'm not Angelina or because I was dumped by the most eligible bachelor at BYU Law School, but because I know a lot of amazing people, who do amazing things, and have incredible experiences, and I wish I were like those people, and am completely 100% not. I have amazing aspirations. I WANT to do and be and create what these amazing people I know do, are, and create, but for some reason or another, I can't, or won't, or maybe never will.

I just really want so much more than I might be destined for. I don't want the world (or even Brad Pitt – Steve Young I'd take), I just want to really live. For some reason I feel like I'm running out of time. Like, even just at 25, my life has been wasted on self-indulgent frivolous things, or massive nothings. Do you ever feel like your life is a waste of time? Like, you should be doing something better, something so much more, because it's so short? I mean, are you supposed to have a mid-life crisis at 25? I think I'm more scared that if I don't start doing amazing things now – I never will. I'll get locked into a life less extraordinary and ultimately alone, and miss out on more amazing experiences and adventures. Pretty soon – no one will even "mistake" me for Angelina Jolie! Nooooooooo! Anything but THAT! It would be nice to feel like I was making a significant differences in someone else's life and furthermore, that my life was being fully lived. It's hard to come to that "carpe diem" realization and not feel like you have the freedom (or money or people who need you) to really do it.

I have a friend who just had a baby. That's so amazing to me. I had a friend who just got engaged. That's really amazing. I have a friend who put out her first album, a friend who's backpacked around New Zealand, a friend who lobbies for civil rights in Washington DC, a friend who travels all around the US for fun, a friend who is incredibly talented at everything he does, a friend who is loved and respected by anyone she comes in contact with, a friend who loves everyone he comes in contact with, a friend who cooks like a master chef, and I just want to be amazing like those people. I want to really live too… or be mistaken for Angelina Jolie again. Seriously ya'll – that was awesome.


Jacob J. said...

I have a friend who is incredibly well-read, whose own writing is entertaining and fun, who has a BS in English (and French?), who is on track to return to school to earn a Masters of Public Administration (from an awesome school!!!), who is energetic and spunky and has perhaps more personality than anyone else I know, who single-handedly ruffled the feathers of the entire anti-Mormon population with one blog post, and who is unfailingly true to her convictions even while dealing with an uncanny string of bad breaks.

You, my friend, do LIVE an amazing life! I think the world of you!

Andrea Jolene said...

Jake - you're probably the best person I know. You make me feel so good! Thank you :) Most sincerely thank you so much. You're the best, and should rightly move back to Utah.

cheryl said...

I also know that same person as Jacob J. and think she is the most awesome daughter a mom could ever have.

Marisa Jean said...

Hi. Have you read your blog? A-M-A-Z--I-N-G. I've never met anyone as quick on their feet as you. I'd kill for that. And why would you want to be Angelina Jolie? Gag me. No offense, but that girls got nothin on you.