Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Where do I go from here?
Greetings Internet Posse.
So, I mentioned the adventure hiccup. Well, it seems the hiccup may take up permanent residence in the adventure and become the "solution." We're not going back.
Yes I know you are disappointed. I am too. It seemed like the perfect opportunity for so many things. We were supposed to gain experiences and have adventures that people only dream about. We were going to gain some financial stability that may have taken years and years of payments (read student loans and PH.D programs) to finally be free from. An opportunity to save money rather than scrape by. An opportunity to do some real good for some people who could really use what we had to offer. The perfect timing for the perfect opportunity that was to open up an entirely new, financially comfortable for once in my entire life, world.
It was the opportunity of a lifetime; one I guess we weren't meant to have. Sometimes, things do seem too good too be true. I've always been one to believe that you should hope for it all, and hold out for the best, and it will come around. I've never wanted to settle for "satisfactory" - I wanted the best. I never thought anyone should be satisfied with a reality they felt mediocre about, but take those risks that might lead them to what they've always dreamed about. Maybe what I was supposed to learn from this is when things seem too good too be true, they probably are. I've been a "glass half full" person my entire life, or rather, I've been sporting the rose colored glasses for far too long. I am rather gullible, taking things at face value and believing that people have the best intentions. I tend to diminish difficult circumstances in my life with a wave of my hand and an easy comment "oh...it happens...it could be much worse...it will be fine." Sometimes I just ignore it, put my head down, and plow through. This opportunity has turned almost into a cruel joke. Ha ha. Except I don't really feel like laughing. It's hard to laugh when it's hard to see the purpose, the "why", to some of life's bumps in the road. The comfort though, I believe, is there is purpose.
I'm jobless, seemingly homeless...living a real gypsies life on the good graces of a few friends, car-less, purposeless...and feeling a little lost and a lot scared. I can't say I've not learned a lot - because I have. I guess the lessons that change us the most are the hardest ones to learn. There may be a lot of refining going on...and a lot of faith being practiced...but all the same, I wish it would've worked out how I'd dreamed...how I had hoped it would. Yet, I think something will work out as it should - and in retrospect I can snap my fingers and say "Ah ha! I'm here today, exactly where I'm happiest to be, and it was because of that one really hard confusing experience." The rose colored glasses soften the blow ;) and if anyone out there knows anyone in SLC with a job for a sad little 25 year old with an English degree...don't hesitate!