I don't post my opinion on "the mens" much. Nor do i discuss them, maybe sometimes allude to them, but generally avoid the "what's with men" subject entirely upon the blog. I'd like to say it's just because I don't have interest in posting about my personal dating life, blah blah blah, but truthfully I don't have one to post about. Ha! So...maybe that's why I don't bring it up...it's a life-long pathetic situation. It's kinda something I've always been confused about and on the "outer-skirts" of. Of all the things I'm good at, and though I am reasonably self-assured in most aspects of my life, men and dating does not happen to be one of them. Not. Even. Remotely. Oh my, I sound like an awkward teenage boy wondering how to "impress the girls." The truth is - I don't like feeling awkward or uncomfortable or "out of my element." Dating is a combination of all those things for me. Perhaps it's because I have all brothers - I'm more comfortable having "friendships/brotherships/playing sports-ships" type relationships with the mens. I guess that's what feels more natural - a little more comfortable. And even a little worse, I have no interest in "impressing" them either. As a general concept - I don't pay much attention to them really - and it's incredibly rare that one catches my "pa-tic-ular" attention. But THAT kind of situation has happened "seriously" like 3 times, and I had no clue what I was supposed to do with that entire range of emotions. Only one of those 3 could be considered a relationship, and the others were shadows of what might've been a relationship but "not really." Yeah, one of THOSE. And yes, I've only really "dated" someone once...when I was 24. I'm 25 now. Mm hmm. Lots of first dates. I'm really not sure why that is - cause I'm not a "man-eater" (anymore...ha ha...oh those angry Morrisette-esque High School days...thank goodness we all get beyond them) I really like hanging around the mens. Generally I prefer their company to girls if I had to choose - and not in the "oh you're so manly way" - but because guys are simple. They're funny. They are bigger and protecting! I like 'em! I like 'em just how they are. I'm just not good at dating them come to find.
My Grandma says I'm picky - I like to think I'm not easily persuaded. I think this because the kind of guy I DO like - tend to be incredibly - er - dorky. In a GOOD way. In an endearingly adorable way. In a way most girls don't traditionally "dig." And thus we come to the inspiration for this rare "so like guys, right?" post. I'm in St. George, hanging with my baaaaad self, eating some delicious pizza, sipping a Diet Coke, and watching MTV's MADE. The story is about a boy named Tanner...seen here.And Tanner is a dork. He's preppy (totally Gap'ed), he listens to 50's music, collects rocks and plays the french horn, has a cheesy sense of humor, wears horn-rimmed glasses, is the worst cross-country runner ever, gets good grades, never had a g/f, and is probably the most adorable boy I've ever seen. He should go to BYU. Seriously. They'd eat him up. However, this boy wants to be a "hip hop cool guy" to impress "the ladies." And out loud, I kid you not, I say "Oh my goodness I would date you right now! You're so cute." What?!?! Yes. And suddenly I thought "what does this say about ME!?! (Oh my, he just asked a cute little cheerleader to go to Homecoming with him, presenting her with homemade cookies and a flower, how cute. Aw). So, clearly, I'm for SURE not picky. Or, I don't like the "stereotype" I guess. I do not like the "overtly socialized" cool - but too me - those little "nerdy" nuances make that type of boy cool to me. Just like this poor Tanner boy (he just said "Jimminy Christmas"- he's so cute and MUCH better then those lame "bad-ass" boys with big trucks and idiot egos). I don't like Brodie's, Brad Pitts, Justin Timberlakes or even Mr. Darcy's. Naw. I like Jim's, Mr. Bingley's, and the silly side-kick (he just showed his "Coach" his Disney movies). You can have your "dark and mysteriously troubled" hard core cool dudes - cause really - it leaves more simply content, adorably cheesy, and slightly insecure dork-boys for me (ha - he just holler dog - awesome).
So really, what does that say about me? I like dorky dudes and am a completely backwards "teenage boy" when it comes to dating. I'll be honest - I'm pretty scared of it! I may not have had a lot of experience with "dating" but I'm very acquainted with the hurt that comes with it - even in my "not really" relationships - and dating just seems to bring out more negative and crappy than good. I'm probably wrong - I hope I'm wrong - buuuuut I'm less than talented at the dating games and relationship situations so I really don't know. What to do? Avoid it. Good idea. ;) Cliche of course - but a good idea.
My brother says I'm scary. Scary? Really? Well he said I was "scary" in High School. Okay I could see that - kinda a fem-nazi. Now I think when he says it it's more "you're intimidating." Seth, dude, I'm 5'1 and a buck...er...under a buck 15...probably just as nerdy as any of the boys I have been drawn too (read Star Trek, X-Files, Book Worm, English Major), and pretty average looking myself. Intimidating? Bah! Naw...but somehow... 1 and er... 3/4ths "relationship" experiences later...hmmm. Perhaps another post for another time.
Well if anything, at least I know I'm not picky. Phew. That helps. Now how about that pesky "no dating life" problem. Meh. I guess starting to care more would help. Yes, caring would help a good amount (whooooa...T-Smooth (Tanner) has a pretty rockin six-pack and some serious moves..hmmm...maybe a "little" hip-hop cool is sexy). But I'm kinda emotionally exhausted of "caring." I think I'd rather not care for a little while longer. Fill in some raw holes inside that haven't fully healed. They just keep resurfacing like some incredibly persistent sore. That's sort of the backlash of "not being easily persuaded" - cause I'm a rather tender soul and take a long long...long long...long time to heal once I'm hurt. Another good reason to generally avoid it...or at least...be very, VERY, careful.
WELL! Don't know if THAT "shouldn't you take your issues to a couch and a professional?" post will make a reappearance. Not even sure what I was supposed to get out of that little musing. Maybe a few strides towards feeling "filled in" again. Maybe.